Month: November 2013

I created this blog to share my funny stories about being married to a foreigner. I thought it would be fun to blog the craziness, but shortly after my first post the bottom dropped out of my marriage, heart and soul. I’ve been wondering what to do with this blog. What can one do, but go with the plot twist.

Separation ranks at the top of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. Thank God for a therapist! My first question to my therapist was if I could be selfish. If I could only take care of me, because I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. Not even take care of my kids at the usual level. Thankfully he said yes and we’ve been working on me every two weeks. Pulling up wounds from the roots is hard work, but I’m expecting a beautiful garden in the spring.

I remember when the teetering started in February. I slumped down a wall and told God it would kill me to have to watch him walk out the door and I wept. I still weep. I took the easiest route by packing a suitcase and leaving before I had to watch that scene. A person’s missing presence in a home will make you find strength that you didn’t know existed.

I’m thankful for prayers and Jesus. I know what it’s like to have him wipe every tear just like the song says. Marriage is hard, especially when there are cultural behaviors you don’t understand and neither party had great examples to reference.

I came to realize how much I neglected myself in all this. Every day is not sunshine. Some days are extremely difficult. You know there will be no one to ask how your day went or put their arms around you on a winter night. Occasionally the pain in your heart becomes so great you need someone to share its weight.

I found a promise to cling to during this season of my life. Psalm 71:21-22 says, “You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again.”

I now find it amusing that I use to live on multi-year plans. You can’t edit out a tremendous heartbreak, but you can choose to live and let broken pieces heal. You can search for root causes like I am doing, so that you do not carry junk into the next relationship. You can choose to hope in the midst of desolation. You can choose to let the light and warmth of love flood your heart again because it feels so very good.

Choices are intentional. Make good ones.