Month: June 2014

In the Moment

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Marriage, mental health, Relationships, Separation, Uncategorized

I had no plans after dropping my sons off at their destinations. The easiest choice would have been to take my usual place on the couch and watch HGTV. This has been my Saturday routine for months. Today I grabbed my new journal and headed for Barnes and Noble. I’ve spent too many hours absorbing home remodeling shows. I will never be able to complete an extreme home makeover no matter what my Bob the Builder voice keeps telling me.

Bookstore with Starbucks included. This is my happy place! I can think here, resting in the over-sized green chair. Sunlight warms the back of my neck and I just am. I very seldom take pause moments. I have a need to stay busy. I think business is one of my avoidance techniques. It allows me to avoid overthinking my problems. I am that girl that can give you multiple plans for any complication. Analyze life from every direction. I like to know the steps to the entire path before the journey begins. Will my therapist ever be able to help me hurdle this obstacle?

What would I love to avoid right now? I have no clue how to interact with my husband right now. It’s either awkward or angry. This mess seems irreparable, but we keep holding on. I have only one logical answer for this. Some part of both of our hearts remembers how much it loves the other. It remembers that solemn vows were made years ago on a hot Nigerian day. It remembers loving over time and distance and the longest immigration battle.

My heart remembers the exact moment I got cold feet while waiting for our turn to be married. I can easily find my way back to that time. I gave him a look and mumbled a few words. My mind was racing. What have I done? I have really lost it! Everyone is right, I am crazy. There are chickens walking around everywhere, the irony! He simply took my hand and pressed his forehead to mine and assured me that everything would be okay.

I remember that feeling. It was strange. Safety and complete trust in another person. Recently my husband had an epiphany of sorts. I held my breath during the conversation. The person I married was back! He promised this marriage was going to get better. He just didn’t stay long and we’re right back at worse.

You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens. – Rumi

Sometimes you just have to be in the moment and know it’s okay. Seek wisdom and peace during these times. I don’t know everything. I can’t control everything. I can only consciously pause and search for the best me and share that person. I can stare down adversity with hope. I can address hatred with love, even if I have to grit my teeth. I can share my unconventional life. Sometimes you have to clench hope with both fists to keep going. If one person gets to witness my miracle, whatever it ends up to be, it will all be worth it.

The Provision of Friendship During Critical Times

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Relationships

My son graduates from high school in a few days. There are so many thoughts running through my mind. This is the very first step into adulthood. Baby bird has to leave the nest. He is so adamant about not being babied right now. I’m 18 are his favorite words to tell me.

I decided as a teenager not to have children. Obviously that life plan didn’t work out. I believed that I would somehow destroy any child that would be placed under my care. That they would be like me. A troubled mess with low self-esteem always searching for love. That life journey not only wears out the soles of the shoes walking it, but also whittles away at the very essence of the person. The soul.

I got pregnant when I was 21. I had to drop out of college and I had two moms shouting opposing things in opposite ears. I could meet neither demand at the time. I was in a nine month rage. I could not marry the father and I could not dispose of the child to save myself. Thankfully during this time I was surrounded by a few praying friends who were willing to take this u-turn with me.

Proverbs 17:17 – A friend loves at all times

Those friends threw me a baby shower and we focused on gifts that little souls needed to survive. He had a bible, piggy bank with a scripture and so on. We were pretty clueless about everything babies need, lol. My mom marched me right to the mall afterwards with rotating questions and statements that can basically be summed up as what was everyone thinking. This memory always makes me laugh. We were thinking that I would not break a fragile person and my friends would help me not to do this. My mom went through the delivery with me and I named him Christian as a reminder that he belonged to God.

Single parenting is hard work! The second son came four years later and two friends were at my side during the delivery. They gave me ice chips, held my hand and whatever else was needed for many hours.

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I have found so much joy in these two boys. I’m glad God saw an ability in me I didn’t see in myself. I am beyond grateful that he placed friends in my life as a support system as an answer to my prayer. I used to walk the floor at night praying to be a good mom.

They watched my kids so I could finish college. It took eight years, but I finished. When my finances fell short they provided for my kids from their own resources. They disciplined them with love. They walked with me in love. I’ll remember as these next days pass by that the village was their to help me raise my children and I didn’t fail. God’s provision of friendship enabled me to succeed.