See what this sorrow—the sorrow God wanted you to have—has done to you: It has made you very serious. It made you want to restore yourselves. – 2 Corinthians 7:11
I can’t remember the last time I tried to form sentences to compose a blog. My job has been like an all consuming inferno. It feels like I’m battling a wildfire with a single hose sometimes. In addition families have assigned roles and responsibilities.
For about the last month or so it has been tense and stressful. I felt like
I had no place to rest other than the yoga studio. It was very challenging to feel this way and have no one notice that I was struggling so much. I literally had a brief meltdown at a stop light. It’s not cool to do this because other drivers are likely to notice. I was simply overwhelmed with the thought of having to give everyone in my life too much of myself and when I compared what I was getting in return it just shattered something in me.
Givers are often taken advantage of. Givers neglect themselves because someone will always need something. I can easily find myself existing on fumes because not only am I a giver, but I am an introvert. Introverts need time to themselves to replenish what they give out. Not taking this time leads to very serious problems. I know better, but there was no time for me or my needs. There was no time for prayer or worship. No time for exercise or yoga. Do you know exercise can have drastic positive effects for depression? I do. That was my 2013 – 2014 truth. My biggest sorrow though is extreme business causes me to neglect my relationship with God.
It’s not that he forgets about me. I’m the one who generally neglects the relationship. Then I freak out if I can’t hear his voice. I don’t know about me sometimes.
Marriage got a little hard, but we navigated out of choppy waters. I’m beginning to wonder if we just need occasional drama. Possible side effect of dysfunction as a normality.
I had to do something cause sleeping on couch rotations get old quick. I had to restore my own vessel rather than remaining empty. I had to go crawling back to God with one more I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to you in weeks please help me speeches. It’s likely not my last so don’t judge me. As I began to sing in worship I felt God hold my hands. It had been awhile and I just began to weep because he never forgets about me. I took a few minutes to pray. I did yoga and a workout. I found a way to balance my scales.
This is a serious battle for me, but I must win. My well being depends on this victory. I can’t give to others if I myself am empty.
Today is my birthday and I spent most of it in quiet reflection.
I stumbled across a really cool quote that resonated with me. The people in my life are not likely to change, but I can change myself. I can find greatness in my every day life. Isn’t that what makes it unconventional? Be good to yourselves always. There is only one you.
The Unconventional Life 