Month: January 2017

Spiritual Paths Program

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Inspiration, mindfulness, Spirituality, Uncategorized

As I entered the retreat center I was struck by natural beauty and peace. My eyes wanted to absorb everything as my senses were on overload. I escaped to take pictures on breaks.

I took my place in the circle and joined the others for a brief meditation. My personal world had been spiraling down like a crashing plane, but I fought to be present.  The opening poem resonated with my soul and it only got better from there. 

In our opening session we read our spiritual autobiographies in small groups and followed the Quaker meeting format. I loved the Quaker format! I loved my group! The connection I felt to each individual was amazing. We were like pieces to a unique puzzle. Three of us were creatives and two were lawyers. Sharing our spiritual journeys was one of the most positive experiences I’ve ever had. Our session ended by walking a labryinth with two stones. We had to let something go by placing one stone in a bowl of water at the end of the circle.

As my time to start walking approached I became overwhelmed by how much I was carrying in my heart. I began to cry because I needed to find the most important thing to release, but I had so many. I began walking and quickly realized I wanted to run. I didn’t want to feel the pain inflicted on my heart by others. The others were walking so slowly that I had no choice but to follow in the manner that they were walking. Many were crying. I tried not to see or hear them because my cries would have quickly become sobs. My heart was hurting. My breaths were irregular. With each step I envisioned hurtful words spoken over me by others falling in the forms of knives from my heart. I then envisioned the wound being stitched and completely healed. The walk didn’t take very long, but it seemed like forever. 

A couple of weeks later I met with my mentor in the program. She has studied mystics and has a connection to nature. As we sat at the table I explained visions, dreams and synchronicities regarding Jude and myself. I wanted to know how could I see all this stuff about us, but in the natural everything be crazy. She called me a mystic and instructed me to leave my relationship open-ended. I wanted a final form of punctuation, but went with her suggestion. She said Jude and I were connected spiritually. In my heart I knew this, but my experience with Haitian love is beyond exhausting. 

Our second session focused on different meditation styles; walking, chanting, body scans, etc. I suck at walking meditation lol. It was once again hard to be present due to life with a Haitian. Jesus have mercy! Our homework was to create a meditation style we could practice in between sessions. I chose to find a positive quote or scripture, set an intention and end with a loving kindness meditation. Anxiety tends to have me focus on negative thoughts so I’ve been very happy with my new practice. I have kept the intentions of love and forgiveness. Yesterday I found scriptures that really moved me.

 Someone there among you has caused sadness, not to me, but to all of you. I mean he caused sadness to all in some way. (I do not want to make it sound worse than it really is.)  The punishment that most of you gave him is enough for him.  But now you should forgive him and comfort him to keep him from having too much sadness and giving up completely.  So I beg you to show that you love him.  I wrote you to test you and to see if you obey in everything.  If you forgive someone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven—if I had anything to forgive—I forgave it for you, as if Christ were with me.  I did this so that Satan would not win anything from us, because we know very well what Satan’s plans are. – 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 

Sadness has been an understatement in my life recently more like despair. My heart has been broken about every 30 days for months. As we argued via text message I focused on those words and my intention. I remembered Rumi’s words that light enters through cracks. I am full of light. I chose positive over negative. I am living my truth as homework. Ironies!

In our last session I saw a Native American brave invite me to journey down a forest trail with him. He was riding a horse and I felt such amazing strength. This program is transforming me in subtle yet life altering ways. I feel my Native American heritage calling my soul to explore. I will be meeting soon with the contact my mentor gave and she agreed to take me into nature.

Most are seeking religion. I have learned that religion divides. Spirituality connects. I am so thankful for this journey and the opportunity to share what I can. 

May you be well. May you be happy. May you be in peace.

Falling Into Belief 

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Inspiration, Spirituality, Uncategorized, youth

In March last year my staff and I met with the executive team. I was given 12 months notice my job was ending. That day felt like the rescue team had finally found me. I have never had such negative work experiences as my last two jobs. I felt unshackled on this day. Last week it hit me I was almost at the 90 day mark. I began to become afraid and then I remembered.

I had gotten a license plate message a few days before my almost panic attack. Simultaneously I have been ending one job and beginning another as Executive Director of STORY. I never saw myself as a visionary before. I was always the planner. Give me your vision and I will give you the steps and supportive lighting needed to make that dream come to life. I’m good, no great at that. My comfort zone, but am I growing here? Am I challenged here? What began to happen when God made me the visionary?

I was like Gary Coleman lol. “Say what Anna? You mixed up your people! This is the introvert that likes to stay behind the scenes.”

Kathryn tell your story. 

I found myself surrounded by children. Their faces keeping me up at night. I had to find a solution for them. I had to find funding for myself, assistant and intern. Woah! I shared my concerns at a prayer meeting. My brain was not accepting this new role. I wanted to be a part of a community relations team, but I along with the Executive Director of the housing authority had just founded a new organization. The minister wrote a scripture on a piece of paper and brought it over to me. 

Philippians 4:7 – And God’s peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

She simply said, “Kathryn you were made to do this. Confess this over yourself.”

I wanted to protest, but……

And…..

And…

And…

I couldn’t. I couldn’t walk away from these kids that needed someone to be their collective voice. These are the kids that are stereotyped because they live in public housing. These are the kids that show up every day despite the odds. Our goal was to register 25. We currently have 43. I went over the limit. And then….
I told my story just like God asked me to. I had to live in transitional housing with my first son. My life completely fell apart and I was hopeless and tired. I prayed for a free place to live and it showed up. I was given a whole team to help me put my life back together. It took almost two years. I was the one all those years ago that advocated for the homeless.

My story.

We received our first grant from the Cameron Foundation. This Thursday I will receive our second grant from the John Randolph Foundation. No one knew except those very close to me how hard last year was for me personally,  but I tried to remain focused on my work. I am very humbled by the amount of support being given to me.

This month I have been really contemplating situations, habits and people in my life. I’ve always had lingering doubt. I don’t want that anymore. There are several things I don’t want anymore. Lack of belief, fear and anxiety are stumbling blocks I’m hoping to hurdle this year. 

Everything is on the line. It’s coming down to the wire. I’m staring at Goliath in the form of not enough funding. I’m shouting at the mountain to move out of my way. I’m but one person in a universe of many. My hands reach back for theirs and we go forward together.

Please join us.