It’s a Tuesday evening and I’m completing my whirlwind trip to San Antonio to discuss the importance of early childhood education with other professionals from across the country. Everyone was very energized by the topic. This is what happens when your work is your passion. You have insane amounts of energy. I was intrigued and somewhat excited, but not quite energized. I find myself questioning why and how did I end up in these work spaces? I’m questioning whether or not I want to pick up another community problem. I’ve seen three astrologers recently, and for the most part the readings were the same. I’m an insanely creative individual with a great human service work to complete. It seems this is the soul contract I agreed to. However, the neglect of self that I am forced to accept in my current work is taking a toll. I’m very often tired, I find myself fleeing to rivers for hydromancy and I can’t remember the last time I slept without thoughts of trying to solve enormous community issues waking me up. The cards said the best life is coming, so as the saints instruct you to do, I’m yet holding on.But do I want to hold on?About a month ago I stayed at Galleywinter Farm for the weekend at my first shamanic retreat. Rachael Mannwas the facilitator and I’ve been working with her for a few years. I was instantly connected to her after my first soul reading. I just knew I would be safe on my new spiritual journey with her. The purpose of the retreat was to find your soul’s highest destiny line among the many available to you. We did shamanic journeying, we danced the medicine wheel, sang Cherokee songs, made earth mandalas and I attended my first fire ceremony. I also saw my highest destiny line. It was amazing!
This is where I am energized. This is the work I don’t want to leave, but there are these annoying things called bills and obligations.Last year my organization began work around trauma. This translates to me as healing work. Shamans heal. I have been very excited to find myself in mindfulness training with teachers. I have discovered I have a talent for combining my reiki training and mindfulness practice with my mother’s gift for interior design to make calm spaces. I am currently creating these spaces for an elementary and high school and the community center where we work with low-income youth. Who knew I’d love this so much?! Definitely not me. I also began redesigning my organization’s website as our fifth year approaches. I have spent several weekends at my kitchen table heavily involved in web content and design. As I end this year, I want to ensure that next year I am my authentic self. I have really been thinking a lot about what this will look like. I know I will no longer be able to serve an entire community alone. Stress is manifesting itself in the form of sickness and must be addressed. Executive Directors have a whole team of persons in the form of a board of directors that are supposed to help grow the mission and funds of the organization. This has yet to happen for me and I feel like I’ve had the longest trek through the hottest desert. Any desire I had to save anyone or anything is about completely gone. Yet I am still the insanely creative with a need to serve.
However, direct service for empaths is very difficult.
As I look forward to 2020, I’m identifying steps I need to take to live a more authentic life. This demands that I pay attention to my natural writing talents and a few other things.
- Practice saying no.
- Take care of my health. I can’t help anyone if I’m not well.
- Write and write often. This includes working on my novel, journaling, blogging, poetry and more.
- Return all social work duties to their rightful owners by the end of the year.
- Take a real vacation.
- Make some new friends. The struggle is real in this area lol.
- Begin shamanic training.
- Return to my yoga practice.
Technically this list could go on forever as I need an intervention, but I’ll stop here. My hope for you if you’re reading this is that you’ve found your way to living an authentic, fulfilling life. If not it’s not too late. What can you do to begin to create the life you want? After all, we create our reality. Is it switching careers? Moving to a new place? There are so many choices available to become your authentic self. As always the light in me sees and honors the light in you. Namaste.
The Unconventional Life 