I can’t remember the time of day two years ago he asked me if I could have kids. I looked at him and said yes and that was pretty much the decision to start trying. For me it would be starting all over again. For him it would be his first. It was important for me to give him this gift, it was a component of my highest destiny.
For two years we tried and the energy between us got so crazy in 2020 that I don’t know how we survived, but we did. My shaman cleared a lot of karmic energy from past lifetimes that was causing craziness in this lifetime. We were both tired of clearing energy and asked if the highest destiny was worth the price I was paying. I was sowing in tears hoping to reap a harvest. I held on a little longer, but the craziness continued and I let him know that there would be no baby with me until he was ready.
My sister dreamed first of her little Mexican niece. She called me so excited. “I can see her! Oh she’s so beautiful! When are y’all going to give me my baby?” “We’re trying,” I’d say. My sister is in denial about our shared spiritual gifts since my exit from the church lol. I was the next to see her in a dream. She’s quite beautiful and I became exicted and exasperated at the same time. Page of cups energy kept surfacing in my tarot readings about my relationship.
You two are going to have a child. This child is really trying to come here, she’s waiting on the right time. She’s not coming into craziness. Does she know who she chose for her parents lol? Page of cups is driving the spread….
In August I gave up the hope of having a daughter and decided travel it would be. Project Mexican baby had simply taken too long and we had chose to spoil the dog even more than he already was. I gave up a lot of things in August that had consumed me for months in worry. We both felt the shift of me being pulled in another direction, one that had my full attention. I was laughing and happy all the time from the energy of making my first short film. I had not been that way in a long time. Blunt conversations were had and the alarm sounded as I realized that perhaps I just might have had enough of trying.
You don’t realize what you have until it’s almost gone. Get it together sir, I tried to tell you I’m every woman. Soy bruja y mujer juntos. Soy especial. I’m the soul mate holding up the mirror so your reflection evolves, you do the same for me.
On the fifth day of the fifth week, my doctor called and said Ms. Thompson you’re pregnant. Five is the number of major changes coming. I was at Baker’s Crust eating a chicken sandwich and fries. “Sorry, what did you say,” I asked. “Ms. Thompson you’re pregnant.” I had drank a whole bottle of wine before as I was certain menopause had come for my ass years too early, so this news was surprising. I had been trying to think of a way to tell him no es possible ahora. Now I was calling saying we’re having a baby. His reaction was flat because he thought I was lying. I hate liars and he knows this lol. He sent his daily lunch text asking me how things were going. I asked him if he had gone crazy that day since he was clearly ignoring my big announcement. When he realized this was really happening I got the happy emoji and everyone was excited.
On the sixth day of the sixth week, I started spotting. Six is the number for balance. All the energy around me was out of balance and I had been going through a very stressful work event. On Tuesday night I went to the ER and turned back around when I saw how many people were waiting. I was not risking covid. The next morning I had an ultrasound and baby was there. I left the doctors and my spirit whispered life is leaving your body. I tried to be still. I promised everyone I would. I worked from the bed. The bleeding got worse daily. By 11:30 Saturday morning there was no baby and I could not reply to the daily lunch text. I didn’t want to carry the heaviness of losing his first child.
He’s been amazing. We don’t know where this new guy came from, but we like him much better. On Sunday I hiked 5.5 miles to keep from crying all day. I don’t recommend doing this. You’ll always find me by the water during stressful times. My friend dreamed of my daughter. It seems my great grandmother is trying to help her enter this realm. I will not worry any more. Today the emperor and empress joined the page of cups, it’s driving the spread.
The Unconventional Life 
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