I have been in love with words since a child. I love the imagery one can make with words. This is my first blog and I'm excited about exploring infinite creative possibilities.
This month, I was very intententional about experiencing Black arts and culture for Black History Month. With only a few days left of February, I must admit to being wiped out from acting like an extrovert all month 🤣. Today, I quietly sat in my divination space, trying to improve my bullet journaling skills. A much need introvert recharge!
My February arts experiences included:
– Plunky and Oneness concert
– The Colored Museum play
– African American Read In
– Current documentary screening and talk
– Afrikana Film Festival screening of Origins
– Kadencia Afro Puertican concert
My monthly tarot energy was the judgment card. Judgment can represent an epiphany, rebirth and new opportunities. I had this realization that life was just passing me by. My days consist of a lot of work and not much else. I realized it was time to make some major life changes. This will require me to close some doors on people and situations that no longer serve my highest good. I have been in limbo for too long and it’s time to move forward. I don’t exactly know where this road is going, but I have to trust things will work out for the best.
I managed to take a few days off for my birthday. I normally plan a solo trip that includes a flight to somewhere, but this year I spent my birthday with my sisters and mom. It was a great birthday! We went to an open mic night and Cuban restaurant that had great food and dancing. I’m still hoping to do a trip to Cartagena this year. I love solo trips!
With my mom and sisterWith momSisters 😁
I also had been in dating app hell and had given myself an exit deadline. I’m happy to say I’m free! I’m looking for something the apps don’t have and I’m ok with that. Not to say a wonderful surprise didn’t show up. Well more like a manifestation, but I’m observing and going with the flow. I don’t find myself worrying about the future. I’m truly happy with the present moment which is a great accomplishment for someone with control issues that likes detailed long-term plans lol. My astrologer said I’m welcoming joy back into my life.
I know March will require me to make major changes. I’ve been working to gather that insane level of faith that results in miracles. I’ve had enough miracles to know to trust my intuition. Life is never boring lol!
Are you experiencing an epiphany or a fresh start? I’d love to hear about it! I hope you are also running after lovely days. It could be something small as lunch with a friend or as big as traveling to somewhere you’ve never been. Fill a journal with these memories and give it to yourself as a gift.
It’s been slightly over a year since my last blog. 2023 was beyond hard and I always try to find something inspirational to include in my writing here. Although I would’ve gladly chosen death last year over heartbreak here I am. Blame it on my dog.
Bruno makes life better!
Last year I wondered if it were harder to grieve someone who died versus someone who was alive. I still don’t know the answer. I tried to focus on what I was supposed to learn. I worked very closely with my shaman and other energy healers. Towards the end of the year I started EMDR therapy. I decided it was time for life to have a new narrative as far as my relationships.
We had to start with my critical need for safety, and I realized I had been in fight or flight since I was around seven. That was a serious revelation to process. I learned to cross my arms and tap my shoulders to bring my nervous system out of panic mode. Through shamanic healings, I learned my narrative needed to change from trying to save others from themselves so they would love me correctly. I had to watch people I loved more than anything self-destruct and do nothing. My need to control everything was tested way beyond my comfort zone. Magnesium and ashwaganda were my lifeline. I had to learn I can only control myself.
You attract what you are. You repel what you arenot. Everything is energy.
I’m infatuated with Sufi mystics, Rumi is my favorite. I was looking for something to bring in a better year and of course Rumi had the most amazing quote.
2024 Theme
2023 was full of tears and anxiety, but this year I will intentionally walk towards lovely days. I made a bullet journal to document these special moments. January has been filled with lovely days. Dates with my friends, writing submissions for publication, completing my first artist fellowship and returning to a regular yoga practice just to name a few. Lovely days can have small blessings or huge miracles. You are the author of your story. You are the alchemist that can manifest your vision.
As they say, sometimes life does the most and you just have to persevere. Doors close, windows open. Maybe time heals all. Maybe it doesn’t. In shamanism, there are multiple destiny lines and soul contracts. I hope you know you’re worth the highest destiny line. Even if it comes with plot twists and turns that put you in a level of darkness you’ve never experienced. I hope you chase it with blind faith! I pray that someone is brave enough to love you just as much as you love them for a complete lifetime.
Thanks for following my blog and I’m sorry for the long absence! I hope you will share in my year of intentional lovely days! May you be well. May you be whole. May you be loved.
Where do you find home when you’ve searched most of your life for belonging? I have not found home in square or rectangular structures built by men with plans. I have found home in being a cypress tree in my dreams. Tall and strong with roots anchored deep into Mother Earth and branches growing towards the bluest sky.
Go home America says if you’re black, brown or any color other than white. My body traveled to the mother land, Nigeria to be exact. I walked out of the Lagos airport and saw the same shade of black among so many people. It was as if I was sifting the darkest coffee roast with my eyes instead of my hands. I wondered how I would find the man I flew thousands of miles to marry with no hue variation in people. Panic, awe and intrigue went through me all at the same time. Panic finally said, “Crazy girl you’ve done it now! Your ass did not think about everyone being Black and your phone not working across the Atlantic. What if his ass doesn’t show up to marry you?” I then looked up from my phone to see him walking towards me smiling. I breathed a sigh of relief. I saw blackness everywhere amongst strange foods and bright, patterned fabrics. We tried to find home in each other. We tried to forget we were running from the hurt of others as we exchanged vows and rode motorcycles. I tried to wash the heat of the land off me multiple times daily but had not packed enough clothes for so many showers. Perhaps that’s why the television shows I remember about Africa had half-naked people with painted faces. I would rather have been naked with tribal face paint standing in the ocean with blue green waves crashing around me.
We lived in my American house, but like I said, I never found home in structures created by men. When he left, I found home in an esoteric pull to mystic things. I was not scared because I’ve had the gift of sight into the supernatural since I was a child. Ancestors, spirit guides and spirit animals greeted and welcomed me home to my authentic self. My mother watched this journey and remembered my baptism as a baby in the spiritualist church. I always laugh as she tells me I was aunt Helen’s child as she stood at the altar with Reverend Hester. My mother sat in the back frozen with fear as objects began to float in air during the baptism. My mom is afraid of everything and we call her chicken little. I am awaiting the right time to visit the spiritualist people. My intuition tells me I know how to do their magic. Their founder shared my birthday and loved the woods like me. Reading his biography with my aunt was eerie.
I have a favorite meditation, come home to your authentic self. I think I find home in the evolution of me. My vertebrae merge African and Native American spiritual practices in my body. I left churches for bodies of water and campfires. I know the Cherokee heart song and have been jolted once by some electric force during a shamanic journey. African shamans are initiated by lightning strikes. My shaman says, “Kathryn you have the mojo you don’t need me.” I think she’s the training wheels to my current bicycle ride.
Home is healing with emerald energy placed at heart center. It’s waking up to Mexican curls on the pillow beside me and the sound of Telemundo echoing through the house. It’s Home Depot runs on Sunday because the Mexican is the one that builds structures I never found home in. Although when I go into the basement he renovated I turn in circles thinking to myself this is now home. I wonder about us. I haven’t told him his spirit leaves his body and tells me how much he loves me. He is afraid of this love. I wonder about us, soulmates with the 222 energy circling us. I watch him in the garden through windows. Keep the faith Kat and come home to your authentic self. Whoever she may be I’m sure she’ll be strangely magnificent.
Last summer I took an eight week class with my shaman to map my highest destiny line. I learned new shamanic prayers, ceremonies and journey meditations. I laid out my stones on my makeshift mesa cloth and journeyed to the upper world to see the highest destiny for this lifetime. I had already decided to go for the gusto.
I also took a screenwriting class. Memoir was full and there was that whole COVID isolation thing. I had to keep some form of human contact. I like everyone else had zoom fatigue but really enjoyed learning a new style of writing. I finished my first screenplay. The class loved it. We had some great writers in that class and I loved everyone’s scripts.
How is this connected? Writing is a huge part of my identity. If you ask me what I am that’s likely my first answer. I knew that my destiny map contained at least one writing project. I’ve had a novel on my vision board for three years. I’m still 55 pages into that project two years later. Finding time to write is really hard right now. I never imagined writing and producing a short film, but I did!
The Return To Me Poster Image
My film trailer had everyone so excited! My teacher had said find five thousand and she could help produce my movie. I set out to find grant money as an individual artist and I’m pretty certain it fell from the sky lol. I’ve only executed the law of attraction without error on a few occasions and this was one. Side note more than five thousand is needed for film making. Do you have dreams and goals? Don’t worry manifesting magic is all around you! My film premiered this September in the Afrikana Film Festival. It was recently a final selection in the S.E. Manly Short Film Showcase. Is this my life?! Yes and it’s in transition! I’m currently writing episodes for a TV series pilot we’d like to create.
I’ve also started a reiki and candle business. I tried working for other companies but it just didn’t work out. I stopped trying to force things to fit. If you’re meant to let go just release. Likely something so much better is on its way! I love making these candles and providing energy sessions for clients. I’m completing my shamanic mesa and am so excited to embrace being a healer professionally. My hope is to generate enough revenue to give my nonprofit, STORY, general operating revenue. My products can be purchased on Etsy and reiki sessions can be booked on Schedulicity.
Reiki CandlesMy reiki studio.
We all have free will. As we prepare to begin a new year I’d like to suggest you reflect on your true desires. Is your life in alignment with your highest dreams for yourself? Dream big, dream often! Set your intentions, raise your vibrations and practice gratitude. Whether you choose destiny line one or five I hope it brings you immense joy!
I can’t remember the time of day two years ago he asked me if I could have kids. I looked at him and said yes and that was pretty much the decision to start trying. For me it would be starting all over again. For him it would be his first. It was important for me to give him this gift, it was a component of my highest destiny.
For two years we tried and the energy between us got so crazy in 2020 that I don’t know how we survived, but we did. My shaman cleared a lot of karmic energy from past lifetimes that was causing craziness in this lifetime. We were both tired of clearing energy and asked if the highest destiny was worth the price I was paying. I was sowing in tears hoping to reap a harvest. I held on a little longer, but the craziness continued and I let him know that there would be no baby with me until he was ready.
My sister dreamed first of her little Mexican niece. She called me so excited. “I can see her! Oh she’s so beautiful! When are y’all going to give me my baby?” “We’re trying,” I’d say. My sister is in denial about our shared spiritual gifts since my exit from the church lol. I was the next to see her in a dream. She’s quite beautiful and I became exicted and exasperated at the same time. Page of cups energy kept surfacing in my tarot readings about my relationship.
You two are going to have a child. This child is really trying to come here, she’s waiting on the right time. She’s not coming into craziness. Does she know who she chose for her parents lol? Page of cups is driving the spread….
In August I gave up the hope of having a daughter and decided travel it would be. Project Mexican baby had simply taken too long and we had chose to spoil the dog even more than he already was. I gave up a lot of things in August that had consumed me for months in worry. We both felt the shift of me being pulled in another direction, one that had my full attention. I was laughing and happy all the time from the energy of making my first short film. I had not been that way in a long time. Blunt conversations were had and the alarm sounded as I realized that perhaps I just might have had enough of trying.
You don’t realize what you have until it’s almost gone. Get it together sir, I tried to tell you I’m every woman. Soy bruja y mujer juntos. Soy especial. I’m the soul mate holding up the mirror so your reflection evolves, you do the same for me.
On the fifth day of the fifth week, my doctor called and said Ms. Thompson you’re pregnant. Five is the number of major changes coming. I was at Baker’s Crust eating a chicken sandwich and fries. “Sorry, what did you say,” I asked. “Ms. Thompson you’re pregnant.” I had drank a whole bottle of wine before as I was certain menopause had come for my ass years too early, so this news was surprising. I had been trying to think of a way to tell him no es possible ahora. Now I was calling saying we’re having a baby. His reaction was flat because he thought I was lying. I hate liars and he knows this lol. He sent his daily lunch text asking me how things were going. I asked him if he had gone crazy that day since he was clearly ignoring my big announcement. When he realized this was really happening I got the happy emoji and everyone was excited.
View of the lake during my hike
On the sixth day of the sixth week, I started spotting. Six is the number for balance. All the energy around me was out of balance and I had been going through a very stressful work event. On Tuesday night I went to the ER and turned back around when I saw how many people were waiting. I was not risking covid. The next morning I had an ultrasound and baby was there. I left the doctors and my spirit whispered life is leaving your body. I tried to be still. I promised everyone I would. I worked from the bed. The bleeding got worse daily. By 11:30 Saturday morning there was no baby and I could not reply to the daily lunch text. I didn’t want to carry the heaviness of losing his first child.
He’s been amazing. We don’t know where this new guy came from, but we like him much better. On Sunday I hiked 5.5 miles to keep from crying all day. I don’t recommend doing this. You’ll always find me by the water during stressful times. My friend dreamed of my daughter. It seems my great grandmother is trying to help her enter this realm. I will not worry any more. Today the emperor and empress joined the page of cups, it’s driving the spread.
I started my job as a reiki master at Lucid Living in December 2020. This is the only time I’ve executed the law of attraction flawlessly. I was so excited to join a black owned business focused on holistic healing.
Getting ready for company marketing shoot.
I’ve seen a diverse mix of clients, mostly women. And then one evening there was the young black man having his first reiki experience with me. His friend had made an emergency appointment for him. I asked my normal pre-session questions. What brings you in? Where do you want energy directed? What is your intention? He answered as best he could, but I had to read between the lines.
We as a black community are not taught to seek services or healing for stress, anxiety or other mental health issues. We are taught to pray. You are questioned and often berated if you seek the help of a therapist. I’m a reiki master, so just amplify that criticism to an infinite amount. Yet there is so much daily stress and trauma in our people.
I have made healing from trauma a priority in my life due to what I see at work and just wanting to end generational patterns in my own life. Being a black woman working in public housing communities full of poverty, crime and yes mental health issues for so long can feel like wearing a winter coat in a Florida summer. It’s heavy, very heavy.
A few more black men trickled into my appointments and it was such a joy to provide them with reiki. One astral traveled to his house and was quite surprised by my explanation of what happened during his session lol. I hope the Black community finds tools such as reiki, meditation, sound baths, etc. I hope the community will be less close minded about spiritual practices that have significant health benefits for stress, anxiety and depression.
I recently filed with Virgina’s SCC office and am officially The Unconventional Life. I offer in person and remote reiki appointments in addition to making reiki candles. I will soon offer shamanic healing sessions and hopefully in 2022 shamanic breathwork sessions. The energy I felt during my first breathwork session was 🤯! On of the most amazing hours yet! I am also looking forward to certifying reiki practioners and masters.. Very grateful for everyone that has been vulnerable enough to trust me as their reiki master. I love holding space for you! Follow my IG page, TheUCLife, and DM for appointments.
I am walking in footsteps on the shore. Grandmothers, great grandmothers, great great grandmothers. I am dressed in ceremonial white holding kite tails. The seer sees me placing white and yellow lilies and white daisies in healing waters. My hand clutches my offering. The seer sees flowers blooming down my back. They have grown over the scars of slavery, Jim Crow and 2020. My soul has chosen blackness for many lifetimes. Abundance at my fingertips Fingertips reaching for their last grip of air as breath leaves black bodies killed by gun violence. Hands of all ethnicities pulling the triggers. Make sure your cries of anger state this fact. Make your historic records more accurate than the ones we currently have For your generations have been stripped of the truth and the seekers of truth are silenced by buildings with crosses so they hide in caves on the outskirts. These are your true prophets but you do not receive them. The truth shall set you free. I loosen my grip on kite tails and exhale breath as my second offering. I close my eyes and travel backwards to the sound of crashing waves. To the sounds of whips. To the sounds of necks breaking from ropes tied to trees. To the sounds of wailing and deep moans of broken families. The grandmothers gather to pray in the water. Strong black women tired of finding strength in agony and harsh circumstances. I want to be called gentle and dainty, something feminine that does not invoke fear. Grann brings me a doll and imploring eyes. With great sorrow I acknowledge I do not know these traditons as I am piecing together my spiritual lineage. I hear, ” They took our dolls and you don’t know our prayers!” I exhale breath as an offering. Abundance surrounds my aura As the energetic transfer from lifetime to lifetime occurs. The grandmothers are waiting on me to be in multiple realms to heal everyone. I exhale breath as an offering and loosen my grip on kite tails. The seer sees kisses being placed on my back. He loves me gently behind closed doors in darkness, but shatters my heart in the brightest sunlight. The grandmothers place prayers and broken hearts in healing waters. We cover transgressions to maintain families and relationships. We give happiness and security as sacrifice. I make a mandala with my flowers and exhale breath as an offering. The grandmothers give me their blessing. I give them their healing should they return. We stand in a circle of white and yellow lilies and white daises Receiving hope, peace and love. I give my offering to Father Sun and watch kite tails and grandmothers go into the light. I stand in multiple realms in earth and water and give thanks. Ase, Aho, Amen.
As January 2021 began I felt hopeful and relieved. I think most of us did. 2020 was a year we won’t forget.
My year started with a lumpectomy last January. I had received the cancer diagnosis in late November. I drove in to my appointment blasting Beyonce. I was ushered into a room by the doctor and knew I wouldn’t be leaving the same way I came in. Cancer had not been in my life plan and I went into complete shock. I didn’t have the option of falling apart. I had to keep it together so everyone around me would do the same. So many friends were getting the same diagnosis, but cancer didn’t win we did and we chose to live life intentionally.
Then relationship problems came. Followed by more relationship problems. I don’t even know how we made it. My tarot readers were serving in therapist’s roles lol. I did so much karmic work with my shaman last year I didn’t think the karmic energy could be resolved. I was surviving the apocalypse of 2020 in a daze. I felt like I was in the worst sci-fi movie and the writer had forgotten to write the ending.
This year I needed Christmas. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had put up a Christmas tree, but I made my boyfriend pull it out the closet and put it up. I suppose everyone needed Christmas because stores had no decorations. Luckily it was prelit and I had a few bows lol. My mother just shook her head, but looking at the lights made me feel better. I didn’t whittle away at Christmas last year. I welcomed it like an old friend with open arms. I bought gifts, planned dinner and enjoyed the tree.
My 2020 Christmas tree
January 2021 is starting a little crazy. I’ve laughed at a few of the memes. Last year we were forced into reflection time. I spent so much time thinking about what I took for granted, what my dreams were and how I would hit the ground running this year in the direction of my dreams. It’s the third week of January and I’m practicing reiki and love my clients, I’m creating reiki products and I was accepted into a writing workshop by one of my favorite authors. I’ve woke up beside my soul mate every day for six months and I love him and my family more even though we still have challenges to overcome. I will continue to do the work to evolve my soul and I’m thankful to have such a caring shaman. I hope you had the time to clearly see what matters most to you. If you were slacking before what are you waiting on? Go get it!
Where do you find home when you’ve searched most of your life for belonging? I have not found home in square or rectangular structures built by men with plans. I have found home in being a cypress tree in my dreams. Tall and strong with roots anchored deep into mother earth and branches growing toward the bluest sky.
Go home America says if you’re black or brown or any color for that matter. My body traveled to the mother land, Nigeria to be exact. I walked out of the Lagos airport and saw the same shade of black among so many people. It was as if I was sifting the darkest coffee roast with my eyes instead of my hands. I wondered how I would find the man I flew thousands of miles to marry with no hue variation in people. Panic, awe and intrigue went through me all at the same time. Panic finally said, “Crazy girl you’ve done it now. Your ass did not think about everyone being black and your phone not working across the Atlantic. What if his ass doesn’t show up to marry you?” I looked up from my phone to see him walking towards me smiling. I breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Damn you’re crispy and I’m here now.”
I saw blackness everywhere amongst strange foods and bright, patterned fabrics. We tried to find home in each other. We tried to forget we were running from the hurt of others as we took vows and rode motorcycles. I tried to wash the heat of this land off me multiple times daily but had not packed enough clothes for so many showers. Perhaps that is why the television shows I remember about Africa had half naked people with painted faces. I would rather have been naked with white tribal paint on my face standing in the ocean with green waves crashing around me. We lived in my American house, but like I said I never found home in structures created by men.
When you left, I found home in an esoteric pull to mystic things. I was not scared because I’ve had the gift of sight into the supernatural since I was a child. Ancestors, spirit guides and spirit animals greeted me and welcomed me home to my true self. My mother watches this journey and remembers my baptism as a baby in the spiritualist church. I laugh each time she tells me I was Aunt Helen’s child as she stood at the altar with Reverend Hester. My mother sat in the back frozen with fear as objects began to float in air during the baptism. My mom is afraid of everything and we call her Chicken Little. I am awaiting the right time to visit the spiritualist people. My intuition tells me I know how to do their magic. Their founder shared my birthday and love of woods like me. Reading his biography with my aunt was eerie.
I have a favorite meditation, come home to your authentic self. I think I find home in the evolution of me. My spinal vertebrae merge African and Native American spiritual practices in my body. I left churches for bodies of water and campfires. I know the Cherokee heart song and have been jolted once by some electric force during a shamanic journey. African shamans are initiated into healing work by lightning strikes. My shaman says, “Kathryn you have the mojo you don’t need me.” I think she is the training wheels to my current bicycle ride.
Home is healing with emerald energy placed at heart center by crow. It’s waking up to Mexican curls on the pillow beside me and the sound of Telemundo echoing through rooms. It’s Home Depot runs on Sundays because the Mexican is one who builds structures I never found home in. Although when I go into the basement he renovated, I turn in circles thinking to myself this is now home. I wonder about us. I haven’t told him his spirit leaves his body and tells me how much he loves me. He is afraid of this love. I wonder about us; soul mates with the 222 energy circling us. I watch him in the garden through windows. Keep the faith Kat and come home to your authentic self. Whoever she may be I’m sure she’ll be strangely magnificent.
I released 10 red balloons into the night sky standing on the back patio the Mexican built for me. It only took him four hours once I conceded he really didn’t need my help lol. It was the last step in releasing an energetic pattern that kept resurfacing in my relationships. I was being guided by intuition and a vision I’d had about my relationship while in a crystal reiki session and balloons had also been in a dream.
An unraveling started on February 10th, days before my birthday. I had made a shamanic healing appointment, not knowing sadness would accompany me to Charlottesville again. I entered Rachel’s apartment and took my normal seat on her couch and welcomed the pets. She asked what we were working on that day and I began the story of the problem of loving men born on January 28th. I had no idea how I had manifested this birthday back to back, but I had issues with it.
“Rachel I need you and Jesus to fix this issue. This is the absolute last time I’m dealing with cheating. Absolute last!” She then asked me how I had approached relationships when I was younger and I scoffed. “I never wanted relationships or children as a result of childhood observations,” I said. Relationships equaled heartbreak over and over again. I of course loved the men of that time, but I wasn’t faithful to any of them. I could only shake my head at my former self.
Now my thoughts are very different. The soul mate showed up in 2017 and brought peace and happy with him. Happy like I’ve never experienced before. So Rachel and I did the spiritual work and broke a soul contract from an Egyptian past life. I had had many lifetimes of being an unfaithful partner in this contract. I saw black smoke followed by Egyptian writing leaving my hands and feet as she journeyed into the past life.
Post session. I cried so much I thought I would faint!
From there I went into a silent weekend retreat a couple of weeks later. I wanted an apology from him I wasn’t getting. I wanted answers that weren’t coming. So I sat at the river in the cold and thought. I sat on a wooden church pew and wrote poetry trying to get past everything. He was living in his ego space and I was desperately trying not to match that energy and stay in my heart space.
Reflection views from the retreat.
Things started getting better with us in March, but I’m highly intuitive with psychic gifts. I knew something wasn’t right. I had a tarot reading on April 6th and the tower was driving the spread. My reader did not want to give me more bad relationship news so she kept bringing my attention to the card opposite the tower. I had no idea the tower meant shit was about to get real and self destruct again a few hours later. Why was this happening? I took care of this in February. I did a second tarot reading and scheduled another shamanic session. Everyone was on the same frequency, I only had to survive this one more time to get to the sunshine and rainbows on the other side. I focused on the 1010 energy and broke ties with that queen of swords that was causing me to have an extremely low vibration.
Rachel and I ended my karmic pattern of oppressive relationships with men. This cycle was ending for good and a new one was beginning. She said I had came into this life to experience how I had treated women in a past life. I remembered what I had learned in October and put the energy for the new life into the earth mandala.
I did not lose sight of my highest destiny line no matter what circumstances showed up in my reality. My family and friends were over it, especially my sister. My sister also dreams the future, so she was torn between wanting her Mexican niece she had dreamed and telling me to stalk taco food trucks to find my boyfriend’s replacement. My highest destiny was written in my journal. This Mexican was top pick for this lifetime.
My grandmother came to me and said let him find his way back to you. I waited 30 days and thought this isn’t working. We’re dealing with massive ego issues. I again went into the humility of the heart space. I was met with anger of not providing the family he wants with me. I met that with compassion. I explained the natural and spiritual reasons of why his daughter was taking so long to get here. He likely doesn’t know what to believe dating me lol. I think most Mexicans are catholic. He doesn’t want to believe in shamans. I stand in front of him and say, “Soy chaman.” He just looks at me like what the hell lol. I had my last session with Rachel last week and the orcas and dolphins were our guides. We sat on the ocean with them holding our children while Rachel again journeyed into the past life to fix energy causing current problems. She said stop trying to make the baby with desperate energy and find the way back to the joy and love we had before.
I went to him on Mother’s Day and told him I was tired of fighting. He was tired too. We made up and said we’d work on us. A few days before I saw a license plate that said last try. We were able to fall back into the peace of being soul mates for a few hours. He’s still in the ego space and angry with me. I will keep meeting this anger with compassion. I know his disappointment makes him want to hurt my heart so I will feel what his does. I sincerely hope I can say we made a baby in a couple of weeks so this will be done with!
As I end thoughts on my current life experience I want to provide encouragement to myself and whoever may read this. Life is not perfect with soul mates, but if it’s worth fighting for choose your battle wisely. Also remember to fight for yourself. We can lose our identities loving someone. Rachel demanded I return to my sovereignty and stop giving my power away. Sometimes space is a good thing even when it feels like death. Lastly what is meant to be will be. I happen to be with a soul mate I’ve been with for lifetimes. So let’s all stay present, breathe and believe for miracles.
The Unconventional Life 
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