Category: Marriage

The Power of Hope

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Marriage, mental health, Relationships, Separation, Spirituality

Each morning like millions of others I’m on social media.  I can’t seem to break the habit of starting my day like this. I have been trying for some time to begin my day with prayer, meditation or exercise.  It most always starts with Facebook followed by Instagram.

This morning I wandered over to Pinterest and searched scriptures for hope. I have a board called inspiration.

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I pinned this to my board this morning.  The struggle is very real with doubt for me. It makes it very hard to trust my decisions because I’m always second guessing everything. This can cause me to start spinning out of control in anxiety.

Recently I dreamed my husband came to me and told me he was sorry. He was hugging me in that dream and I could literally feel his embrace. I woke up extremely rattled because I haven’t touched him in months. I being who I am wanted a microscopic analysis of this occurrance. Jesus what does this mean? I heard nothing so doubt kicked in with all its negative voices. He’s not sorry.  You’re crazy. When are you going to do something? Blah blah blah. I could not get to the soaking prayer service fast enough! I went in like a spy trying to determine who could help settle my mind. We were instructed to ask God to give us a vision beyond the door. I prayed to see beyond the door.

I then saw Jesus open a door. I was afraid to go beyond the door. Not knowing what was waiting for me I froze in fear. As I stood in the doorway a brick path appeared and we began to walk. I’m trying to remain calm and not freak out because my questions were about being married. Trees began to appear everywhere and the brick path went down the middle.

The trees you see represent an abundance of life. You have been holding on for so long. Even at times clinging to hope. I am opening the door to an abundant life. A beautiful life. A joyous life. A plentiful life.

I have you on the path to freedom not only for yourself, but I am calling you to set the captives free. Set them free Kathryn with your words. Use your words. The power of life and death is in the tongue. Give the captives life.

I did not doubt the voice of God. I did not doubt his presence.

On Sunday I went to the altar for prayer. Ironically the sermon had been on marriage, which went along with a book on marriage I’m reading. I confessed to the woman praying for me that my marriage was in ashes and I was tired of clinging to hope. She prayed as I stood in betwixt doubt and hope. Just that Friday I had decided to give up hoping, so I found this sermon very ironic. I hadn’t been to church in weeks and the Sunday I go the sermon is on marriage. Note, if it’s ironic, a little weird, perhaps even insane by your standards it’s likely a God thing.

James 1 speaks very clearly on doubt. Expect to receive nothing because doubtful persons are unstable in everything. I’m really trying to use this second marriage crisis to grow even more as an individual. I’ve recently started parenting classes. I’m reading Love and Respect. I seriously failed in the respect area, but realize my behavior was tied to the lack of love I was receiving. I realize all the damage my sometimes harsh criticism has caused to my family because I felt unloved. I don’t completely blame myself for this horrible mess, but do accept responsibility for my actions.

So here I stand not knowing what the future holds, but knowing that God is merciful and his grace covers all my mistakes. Knowing that I can be a better person. I can find rest in hope. After all trouble don’t last always. Never give up on yourself or your dreams!

Thriving in the Desert

by The Unconventional Life, posted in depression, Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Marriage, Relationships, Separation, Spirituality

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A couple of mornings back I decided to stop and start my day journaling. I’m always yapping with God, but often do not take time to sit still and listen for answers or instructions.

My thoughts fell on the last six months of my life and I realized I’m thriving. I sat and began to say things that were prospering in the midst of personal turmoil. Two separations back to back can destroy even the strongest of warriors. Putting all your hope and love into someone and a marriage that crumbles back to back is hard to recover from. As I realized that most often die in a desert experience, gratitude filled my heart and tears began to flow down my cheeks. Death can come in many forms: unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, the need for revenge, depression and the list could go on and on.

The flip side of that for me is saying this is my life situation. I am not the cause of it. I am entitled to learn something to grow me as a human that will inspire someone else. I have the right to get up and live.

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With public housing kids at National Night Out

My thriving list:
1. There is laughter, love and peace flowing through my home. Everyone is experiencing a personal struggle, but my kids and I have these things to be grateful for.
2. Bruno is always happy to see me.
3. The works of my hands are blessed! I pray this prayer at my desk sometimes, God bless the works of my hands. I feel like King Midas at work right now lol.
4. I got accepted into a program to teach fitness classes. Training is kicking my butt, but I’m focused on those that don’t have access to fitness and how I can help them. I will soon be giving free classes to public housing residents! I get to share my story of battling depression with fitness.
5. My bills are paid and we have shelter and food. Amen!
6. God pours his love into my life even when I’m not thinking about it.
7. I’m not depressed. Loneliness creeps up on me some days. I am very grateful for Bruno’s puppy kisses at those times lol.
8. I am inspiring others. Whoa really! I wonder about these people lol, but I’m thankful to be a living testimony.

This is just a small list. I hope if you find yourself reading this in a desert experience you will make your own list. You may not have perfect circumstances. I definitely don’t. I’ve again lost my best friend. Sometimes life knocks you flat on your ass like that. However, if you’re reading this you’re alive so get up and live. Even if you have to do so in small time increments. I used to plan years ahead, but I literally at one point had to take myself down to one hour at a time.

Psalm 71:20-21- You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again.

May we grow through adversity and rise like mountains. Amen

Arsenal Weapons

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, depression, Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Marriage, Relationships, Separation, Spirituality

I recently attended a, seminar at my church, Fighting Back With Joy, by author Margaret Feinberg. Joy was not even on my radar, but I just felt like I should go. My whole thought process has been focused on gratitude. I’ve been trying so hard to make this an every day component of my life even if all I write down every day is the dog and my two sons. Armies don’t go into battle with one type of weapon though. That would be insane! There are more weapons! Not discounting gratitude of course, I think it has added another dimension of peace to my life. But then there’s the epic battle with depression, you need joy to fight great sadness.

Galatians 5:22-23 – But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. There is no law against these things.

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I went to the seminar alone. I don’t have friends to call up and say hey wanna hang out. I think the drama of a bad marriage caused me to lose the ones I had. It’s really hard listening to a person’s suffering on a daily basis. I tried not to be Debbie Downer, but you have friends to vent to right? I most definitely should have used my imagination to give conversational details about my every day life. I miss one friend a hell of a lot, she always made me laugh and she had a cat that I would go pet for eternity on really bad days. So what do you do when you lose your very limited quantity of friends? You pray for new ones that will be able to relate to your circumstances, otherwise everyone will keep dropping you like a bad habit.

I have met three women recently who can relate. I met the newest one at the church event. She was on a pursuit for joy. She shared her story, which was worse than my own, with a smile. I must say she was a beautiful soul and I was thankful that God was still answering my prayer. Even for something as small as having someone to enjoy breaks with for the evening.

I learned some very important things about how to fight with joy. The author was diagnosed with cancer and she shared how she had researched joy for an entire year, because that was her weapon to fight cancer. She was a great comedian! There was so much laughter during her presentation. Laughter feels so much better than crying.

So how do you load, aim and shoot joy at what knocks the breath out of you?

1. Poke holes in the darkness with laughter. Overcome despair and doubt with gratitude. Draw a line in your life and surround yourself with nontoxic people. So you may get kicked to the curb like I did if others in your life are doing this lol. Don’t take it personal!
Proverbs 17:22 ~ A cheerful heart is good medicine.

2. Remain suspicious God is up to something good.
Genesis 50:20 ~ You meant to hurt me, but God turned your evil into good to save the lives of many people, which is being done now.

I blog to purge my heart and soul of the tremendous amount of pain weighing me down. I need to be set free. We all know the divorce rate in this country is extremely high. That was one reason I chose to fly across an ocean and marry into a culture where divorce is pretty much not an option. I have no clue what my husband’s problem is, but it required me to shift my focus. It required me to say Lord what are you trying to teach me through this horrible experience? If I hadn’t been mistreated I wouldn’t have gone in search of the depths of God’s love. I was only experiencing surface love prior to all this marriage hell. Jesus showed up one day with an empty present and he gave it to me. He told me to put all the pain in the empty box so he could exchange it with his love. He said that was his primary purpose in my life. When I handed the box back, he began to send waves one at a time of his love. I was only able to physically withstand seven waves. I felt I was about to faint right in the therapist’s office. All I could ask is what kind of love is this? It’s too much. He took my pain that day and walked away with it. I have not been the same since. It is impossible to remain the same after such an experience.

3. Help others fight back with joy.
Be compassionate. Suffer with someone.
Be calm. Broken people don’t need you to fix them.
Be constructive. Ask them what they need.
Be consistent. Commit to be there for the long haul.
Be confessional. Ask God how to pray.

Our last act that evening was to release red balloons into the air to shift our focus from our problems up to God. I must confess at times I go back and forth with this. I’m determined to keep getting up after every fall until I learn to quit taking my problems back after prayer. I know my prayers are being heard. Oh the struggles of becoming a reformed control freak lol.

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Red balloons were the symbol of joy for the author.

So what weapons did you go into battle with? Anger, fear, depression, loneliness, despair. Trust me those weapons are useless. They will leave you crippled. The fruits of the Spirit are so much more effective. It’s like learning to operate at a Navy seal level versus that of a private. We all know that training is really going to kick your ass on a daily. But you come through it with things you didn’t even know you had.

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Buying Margaret's book. Don't we look joyful?!

My last sentence is borrowed from another author. Choose your weapons wisely and follow the divine instructions and I’ll see you on the other side.

God whispers to us in our pleasures, but he shouts to us in our pain. ~ C.S. Lewis

TKIT2GOD

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, depression, Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Marriage, mental health, Relationships, Separation, Spirituality

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My friend said my life is like a Tyler Perry movie.  I must say I think he’s right because you can’t even make up the stuff that happens to me. In spite of it all I chose to smile today. I took the dog that my husband walked out on for two walks. I did yard work and some yoga. Most importantly I prayed.

There are a few people in my life that are sticking with me through the craziness.  I love and appreciate them so much! Today’s events were borderline crazy as far as marriage drama. What’s done in the dark always comes to light.

Yesterday the Holy Spirit told me I would see my husband at the library. Today it happened. I must again reflect on God’s love for me even through the pure hell I’m going through I know this love.  My husband doesn’t want me to know his address. I also endured this during the first separation.  I cried for weeks driving up and down streets of multiple cities,  but God kept me. He kept me from completely falling apart.

I watched my husband drive away with my staff through library windows. I’ll spare the Internet the crazy details.  I decided to drive to my office rather than drive up and down streets. I pulled up behind a car with a license plate of TKIT2GOD.  Take it to God. I just began to laugh. God is trying so hard to move me beyond worrying.  I think I’ll just free fall into grace and peace.

I started my day with prayer and exercise. I felt myself coming out of the fog of depression that overshadows me. It changed my day.

There is a song by Kurt Carr called God Kept Me. It’s my testimony. Joy is sometimes so very hard to find, which makes it even more precious.

So I’m here today because he kept me. I’m alive today only because of his grace. God kept me. He kept me. God’s mercy held me close so I wouldn’t let go.

May the joy of the Lord be my strength and yours in abundance.  Amen

What Hurts The Most

by The Unconventional Life, posted in depression, Marriage, Separation, Spirituality

It’s been almost two weeks since my first therapy session after the second separation. I scheduled the session because of feeling consuming rage. It was constant and in direct conflict with my yoga practice and spiritual beliefs, which have love at the center of actions. Breaking car windows and spray painting liar/cheater was what I wanted to do. I wanted to set his belongings he left behind on fire in the front yard. My mother kept pleading with me not to do things that would land me in jail. I conceded she was right, but I couldn’t shift the anger out of my spirit with scriptures or asanas.

So there I sat on the couch over looking the lake again wondering how the whole person I had become months earlier was now this shattered being. I remembered what whole felt like; good, peaceful, happy. My present was total despair. Why had my husband even bothered to come back to do the same thing to me all over again?

As I sat sipping ginger tea overlooking the lake my therapist said rage is caused by hurt. He gave me a moment before asking what was causing the hurt. I didn’t have an answer and we agreed to pray about it in the next session.
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Abandonment hurts like hell. Your husband demanding that you remain faithful while he dates and takes late night calls and texts hurts like hell. When you’re called a murderer because you had a miscarriage that hurts like hell. When you’re told that his spiritual mentor has told him something remarkable and it compares you to the stench of a dead, rotten seed that hurts like hell. Every other pastor I come into contact with calls me a gift and daughter of God.

I had asked for quality time and support, small things, and never received them. I really shouldn’t have been blindsided. I was standing right in front of his face when he told her he’d call her back. I was shifting in the bed as he answered the middle of the night IMs . “It’s from Africa,” he said. I watched him iron clothes hours before he was to meet her, but he only took minutes to prepare for our anniversary dinner.

What hurts the most? Shame. Shame hurts like hell. I have two sons watching me go through this. It’s embarrassing to be treated this way in front of them. My entire family knows my husband left again. They are trying to very politely say we told you so. We told you he was just using you. Everything negative, we told you so. “Move on Kathryn. You’re pretty and smart. What is wrong with you?”

I don’t really know. I think the solemnity of vows has something to do with it. I keep apologizing to God for having to break a promise. Promises mean something to me.

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If I were a boy…..songs can really express pieces of feelings you’re trying to connect. I married a manipulator who never takes responsibility for his actions. Colleagues that have taken the time to pray for me ask me why did I tolerate emotional abuse. I don’t know really. I just loved my husband, but he will accuse me of never having done so. Even now as I sit listening to a snoring puppy that he abandoned me with. He will say I added no value to his life, that he wasted nine years.

Everything hurts. A broken marriage, my oldest son’s rebellion, being overworked. I feel like everyone is always demanding something of me, but very seldom do I get anything in return.

I went to church last weekend looking for Jesus. It was a desperate search. Even if he didn’t say anything profound I just needed to know he hadn’t abandoned me too since I had sacrificed our relationship trying to be one with my husband. There is a reason to heed the warning of being unequally yoked. You eventually lose yourself and your identity. But God. He did have a word for me through his prophets that evening. It was not what I expected.

Isaiah 61:1-3 is my hope right now. God gives beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for mourning. May he comfort all those who weep from broken hearts.
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Me Complaining? No way!

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Marriage, Relationships, Spirituality

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I would like to introduce you to my dog Bruno. This is the cute little face my husband came up the steps with when he returned in October.

The back story is that everyone had wanted a pet for the last four years, but no consensus had been reached. I being the only source of estrogen in the house wanted a small dog or an independent cat who required little care. My three men as I call them wanted a large dog, a pit bull. So we argued and argued and I ended each argument by putting my foot down with a vehement no.

And then there was Bruno, a pit/lab mix. This was my husband’s way of saying I am the man, head of household, running the show up in here up in here spouse. This is our new order. He of course will never admit this lol. I took the cute little puppy and gave the hubby my list of I will nots.

Slowly but surely my husband slacked on his puppy duties. Bruno was not house trained and that was my first I will not. Hubby got tired of constant clean up and protested. “Y’all play with the dog, but you won’t help me clean up after him. That’s not right.” I am now realizing my Nigerian husband is using southern terms like y’all, which is very amusing. He also argues like an African. This can mean very long debates. He finds these amusing as we suffer through them and we all begin to yell like banshees  just to drown him out.

He said to me on a Friday night, you get to sleep in on Saturday while I have to go to work. Screech, back up! What? I informed him that he had single handedly taken away all my sleeping in by deciding to get a dog all by himself. The extra responsibility was too much. That I had no me time cause even the dog looks to me for food when I get home and that because of his male ego he had altered my life without my permission. Did I mention you don’t accuse a proud African of having ego issues? Yeah definitely not supposed to do that. He took Bruno to go sleep on the couch, which was not nice because they are my source of warmth at night lol.  He texts me from the basement he had put my puppy up for adoption on Craigslist.

Exclusive ownership of Bruno can shift depending on the situation. Since we weren’t sure of Bruno’s fate, I packed a back pack with snacks for both of us and rolled out. Dogs on hikes can’t be adopted.. We sat by a beautiful lake, ate our snacks and made our way home.

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I came in my room to pray. Arguing over stupid stuff was becoming annoying. Of course I was pointing the finger at the husband who had accused me of complaining too much. I was like Jesus does he know my struggle? I’m tired, always on, cleaning, cooking…… I am American! I have a job too! As I flipped through my normal chapters for encouraging words I found none. Isaiah,  psalms, proverbs…..nothing. So I started reading chapters you never hear about Jude, Philemon….nothing. Let me show you where I end up.

Philippians 2:14 – Do everything without complaining or arguing.

I exhaled. Why was I in trouble? Is this seriously the verse you want me to focus on? I was not the only one guilty. I took another breath and accepted the correction.  My actions had not been the greatest. I shifted my focus.

The greatest gift to a relationship is to focus on improving yourself. You can’t force the other to change, they have to want change. I shifted my focus to being grateful. My list of to dos has not gotten shorter, but that is no longer my focus. Arguing over stupid stuff caused a separation and the worst year. A year we can’t get back. As I went through that struggle I decided I wanted to change me. I wanted others to be happy to be in my life.

As I sit typing this blog my husband is washing my car for me. He fixes anything that is broken. We all have food and shelter. We are a family. There is laughter, peace and love flowing through my home. There used to be so much strife. We have a family pet who loves walks, runs and hikes.

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Nope I won’t complain.

Overcoming Fear

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Marriage, mental health, Relationships, Separation

I became acquainted with fear as a child observing my mother and other family members.  I observed that because they were afraid of doing most anything our family tended to have the same outcomes.  This observation greatly shaped the adult I would become.

I would acquire an extreme fear of committment.  If I could redo about two decades of relationships I would.  Bad choices left layers of pain.  As a youth, I developed the idea that marriage was evil.  I saw nothing good in it.  Marriage created siblings that meant extra responsibilities.  More work for my mother.  Arguments over adult issues and the list goes on and on.  I decided by the time I became a teen that I would never get married.  I would at most have a live in boyfriend with a backup just in case.

I carried all of these fears into my marriage and oh the devastation it caused.  I didn’t even notice what was happening.  I remember one day being in the kitchen and I just began to cry. “God why did you place these three people under my care?  I’m such a failure.  I never wanted a family and you totally rearranged my life!  Look at the mess I’ve created.”  I received the most gentle reply as I walked to the table and opened the bible.  I had never seen the scripture before, but I had to go sit down after reading Psalm 68:6.

My tears of frustration turned into tears of gratitude.  He had connected two of the most lonely people, my husband and myself, across an ocean.  My husband had said prayer for a family far away from Nigeria.  On my end I had a five-year old telling me his house was supposed to have a daddy that lived there with us.  My youngest son is a handful!  My husband found my match.com profile.  I can only laugh at how all of this happened.  You live long enough to be able to recognize divine intervention when it happens because you go around in a daze asking if what occurred really happened the way it did.

As I sat on the couch, I realized that God had blessed me with children and a husband so that I would know what unconditional love felt like and all I did was complain about it.  Months ago in a soaking worship service I had a vision of myself as a child.  I was in a pit in a white dress turning in circles.  I was searching for someone to love me, but no one ever came.  Although I was in this pit, there was the brightest light all around me and the most beautiful lawn.  God whispered to me, “You will never have to search for love like that again.”  Have you ever been totally wrecked with gratitude?  I needed so many kleenex that evening.  It was an epic day for healing a very deep hurt that I had carried for decades.  I hurt my family because I was broken and hurting.  I have sense learned you should enter into marriage a whole person.  My husband and I had no pre-marital counseling, but lots of issues that should have been discussed.

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Continue reading “Overcoming Fear” →

How I feel. No really.

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, depression, Faith, Marriage, Relationships, Separation, Uncategorized

How do I feel? That’s a loaded question I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about. The last two days have been very challenging. I feel exhausted, heartbroken, lonely, sad and hopeless.

I have no desire to live in an indefinite limbo. Not one part of me understands why I am married to someone I haven’t seen in two months. I had started the mental process of giving up last week. And then there was the text where he called me baby. I turned my head in all directions. I looked at the confirmation, yes baby, not knowing what to text afterwards. Naturally I asked why. Why do you refer to me with such a loving term when your actions scream otherwise at me? Your actions make me feel like I am nothing. That emptiness will be my only companion. He questioned what I had expected to be called. Nothing.

I have chosen exercise to try and cope with the ache in my heart. I don’t get to choose which days are harder than others. Eeyore days randomly choose me. I listened to Joyce Meyer yesterday preach on why feelings shouldn’t be a major factor making decisions. She spoke on their ability to derail everything. She used the scripture I had read right before turning on the podcast. Probably not a coincidence.

Galatians 6:9 – So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

Did I mention I was tired and I can’t take anymore? My therapist is clever. I had stopped praying because I was afraid. That is the wrong thing to tell a Christian therapist. Yes, he made me pray last session. He said pray and declare over your family Kathryn and so I did. He then asked if I understood why he was giving me these instructions. Yes, because praying God’s will would not intentionally harm me was my reply.

I’m six months shy of my ninth anniversary. I remember leaving my two small children to fly across an ocean to marry someone. I remember fighting a five year immigration battle alone. I remember spending months researching immigration cases trying to get my husband here faster alone. Taking a suitcase full of clothes to a nephew I would never meet when he had nothing. I remember all the sacrifices I have made and that’s why I feel an indescribable amount of pain. How can you shift what hurts so bad?

I have so many unanswered questions. I keep trying to understand why there is no fulfillment. I am only half of the equation. My mind knows how a husband is supposed to love a wife and how that love would be multiplied and returned in greater quantities. I have nothing to increase or return. I return neglect with silence. Inevitably this will result in a negative outcome. Perhaps this is a cultural divide as wide as the grand canyon, but that doesn’t make it alright.

Today I am wallowing. I know that is not good. I feel so tired of living life this way. I’m only human. My heart wants to believe and hope in every biblical promise. It’s just hard when prayers continually go unanswered. It’s even harder when all you can hear are the lyrics to Jealous by Beyonce with head bowed and hands clasped. Perhaps that is my prayer. I relate to those words. I hate you for your lies and your colors. I hate us for making good love to each other. If you’re keeping your promise I’m keeping mine. Amen

I can only hope for a better tomorrow where laughter comes from deep within my soul instead of the tears that so frequently overflow from my heart.

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Sink Way Deep Down

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, depression, Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Marriage, mental health, Relationships, Separation, Uncategorized

There has been such tragedies in the news over the last week. Momentum building with one story after another. Eric Garner strangled to death by choke hold. Michael Brown murdered in Ferguson. Robin Williams commits suicide because of depression. Two more black males murdered by law enforcement. People fleeing persecution in Iraq. I spent most of my week weeping for people I don’t even know.

I may never meet them, but I have prayed for them. My oldest son is 18. I tried to talk to him after the Michael Brown tragedy, but I honestly could barely find words. The picture I had seen of the mother brought my breath to a halt. Only a photograph can capture that level of agony. I carried that image in my mind for days.

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Photo credit: Huy Mach

I’ve carried pain in my heart for months. Shifting it around, trying to lessen the load. Praying, breathing, meditating and stretching beyond my current self. There is a lot going on in my life. My marriage is still at a complete halt. I can at this moment say I’m neither married nor single. I live in question mark status. Nevertheless, I’m going to rely on the one who never changes. Jesus. He is trying to get me to be a better human through all of this. Pain causes you to grow.

 

I had decided to close my joint account last week and begin processing divorce in minuscule increments. Even that seemed to be too much. A text from my husband came at 5:45 a.m. Do not close the joint account. Translation is simple, we are not taking the first step towards divorce. I could only type ok.

I have read Proverbs 31 many times trying to figure out how to become this woman for my family. I have worked so hard on self-improvement over the last year. I’ve been waiting on my sons and husband to notice. For someone to call me blessed. My son called me crazy a few days ago. I really contemplated his one word description of me based on my past actions and it made me very sad.

I have been taking yoga classes every Sunday and Tuesday. It’s becoming something I need to do to start my week peacefully. Reflecting on all the violence stemmed from hatred in the news I placed my mat on the floor. I was praying for a scripture to focus on during the class. In front of me was a yogi that had a stone placed on her mat. I know that has to do with chakras and energy. Our instructor wanted to chant. I abstained, but I listened to the beautiful sound it made and it left me with a very good feeling. I have been dedicating my yoga practice to God healing myself and my family. So many different people and beliefs in one room and there was no hatred. Maybe some have life complications, but we all left it on the mat. I was the only brown person in the room, but I felt peace not fear.

Romans 14:9 – So let us try to do what makes peace and helps one another.

I honor each life experience. For experience teaches wisdom and we should never grow tired of learning. Every life has value. Every problem a solution. Your belief may be different from mine, but I serve a God of such an amazing love. I am going to do my very best to share this love with my family and whomever else I’m destined to encounter. I also believe we should love our planet and the animals that don’t speak human. Let your roots sink way deep down as storms will come from time to time. Like yogis you will find we have the ability to bend and not break.

I am very grateful for every person that took the time to pray for me and my family over the last year. I am thankful we are all here. I am thankful that I know God is no respector of persons. I am thankful that miracles can arise from the most horrific circumstances. I am thankful God restores the broken. Namaste.

Support Beams

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, Faith, Inspiration, Marriage, mental health, Relationships, Separation

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On Wednesday I layed it all on the line via text message. The response I got was detached. Be brave and ask hard questions when you need answers. He said there were too many bad memories to save our marriage on Thursday. Thursday I said no more tears because I’ve given my best effort. Today I woke unsure of what direction my life is about to take. Forty and dating just doesn’t sound appealing. It’s gonna be ok though. I’ve come a long way baby and I’m not standing alone.