Category: Relationships

Lord If You Had Been Here

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, Faith, Inspiration, Relationships, Separation, Spirituality

March 30, 2015 was the beginning of my second separation. It sent me reeling. It’s May 26, 2015 and I still don’t know exactly why I’m separated.

I was so happy in October to have my husband back. He seemed just as happy as I was. Oddly enough we both realized 30 days into coming back together nothing changed, but it was for different reasons. I was the only one who had spent the time apart to grow into a better person. I had wanted to be a better wife with all my heart. He was the same if not worse. He did not honor our contracts.  He was still secretive and manipulative.  I was trying so hard to not have the same marriage,  but because of his terms and me trying to demonstrate I could follow as a wife I crashed in the same train wreck all over again.

John 11:32 – “Lord if you had been here my brother would not have died.”

This scripture has been swirling in my head for two days. This is Martha’s reaction to the death of her brother Lazarus. This is my reaction to my marriage. Jesus if you had just done something to help me I wouldn’t be separated.

Martha’s response caused Jesus to weep. I’m sure it was her disbelief.  I’m trying so hard to believe in God’s power to perform miracles right now. I spent all of Friday distraught because I could not think of a single person to help me. To say on my behalf that I am a good woman with a kind heart. When my brain can’t produce a solution anxiety kicks in.

As I journaled a prayer this evening I asked God if he had any good plans for me as written in scripture. I’ve suffered so much trying to give love. Most of my life my love has been regarded as nothing. No value to it at all.

I wonder what happened to the man I married. The one who assured me everything would be ok. The one who would email me scriptures. The only one I ever gave full access to myself. I was so comfortable growing into myself with him. I wonder what happened to us. The two who never ran out of words to speak. The two whose love spanned an ocean. The two who found everything in each other
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Jesus if you had only been there my life would not be falling apart. I’d rather be a Mary than a Martha, but it’s really hard. No one understands you when you just can’t seem to find a way to kill the love in your heart for a person who treats you so bad. My heart broke every day he denied having a wife. I kept asking myself what was wrong with me that he should deny me.

Jesus if you had just come sooner his heart would not be consumed in bitterness and mine wouldn’t be shattered.  Where were you when the warning signs were flashing bright red all around me? Where were you while I was trying not to lose myself and love him at the same time. Where were you when he didn’t come home and I had to ask another woman why? Jesus if only you’d come sooner he would honor his vows to love only me.

Cherish your spouse. Let love and forgiveness rule your heart. Do not be consumed with bitterness and deceit. I’ve learned that staying married is extremely hard work.

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Jesus didn’t come into my situation sooner he came later. I recently attended a training class in Los Angeles. I flew from the east coast and he sent a woman from Nigeria to my same class. Only God does things like that. I got to talk to her about my marriage woes and she hugged me and instantly became my sister.  I’ve been needing someone to talk to for weeks. I realized how much God must love me to send a woman from Nigeria to spend time with me. Miracles like that are easy to recognize.  Others not so much.

I’ve decided to once again grow as a person. It seems everyone can see my heart , but my husband. He no longer has spiritual eyes. If he did perhaps we’d be in marriage counseling.  I hope to become a Mary one day, but I know God loves me as a Martha and he will never abandon me.

My Grown Up Sorrows

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, depression, Inspiration, Relationships, Spirituality

 

See what this sorrow—the sorrow God wanted you to have—has done to you: It has made you very serious. It made you want to restore yourselves. – 2 Corinthians 7:11

I can’t remember the last time I tried to form sentences to compose a blog. My job has been like an all consuming inferno. It feels like I’m battling a wildfire with a single hose sometimes. In addition families have assigned roles and responsibilities.

For about the last month or so it has been tense and stressful. I felt like
I had no place to rest other than the yoga studio. It was very challenging to feel this way and have no one notice that I was struggling so much. I literally had a brief meltdown at a stop light. It’s not cool to do this because other drivers are likely to notice. I was simply overwhelmed with the thought of having to give everyone in my life too much of myself and when I compared what I was getting in return it just shattered something in me.

Givers are often taken advantage of. Givers neglect themselves because someone will always need something. I can easily find myself existing on fumes because not only am I a giver, but I am an introvert. Introverts need time to themselves to replenish what they give out. Not taking this time leads to very serious problems. I know better, but there was no time for me or my needs. There was no time for prayer or worship. No time for exercise or yoga. Do you know exercise can have drastic positive effects for depression? I do. That was my 2013 – 2014 truth. My biggest sorrow though is extreme business causes me to neglect my relationship with God.

It’s not that he forgets about me. I’m the one who generally neglects the relationship. Then I freak out if I can’t hear his voice. I don’t know about me sometimes.

Marriage got a little hard, but we navigated out of choppy waters. I’m beginning to wonder if we just need occasional drama. Possible side effect of dysfunction as a normality.

I had to do something cause sleeping on couch rotations get old quick. I had to restore my own vessel rather than remaining empty. I had to go crawling back to God with one more I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to you in weeks please help me speeches. It’s likely not my last so don’t judge me. As I began to sing in worship I felt God hold my hands. It had been awhile and I just began to weep because he never forgets about me. I took a few minutes to pray. I did yoga and a workout. I found a way to balance my scales.

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On my all about me day

This is a serious battle for me, but I must win. My well being depends on this victory. I can’t give to others if I myself am empty.

Today is my birthday and I spent most of it in quiet reflection.

I stumbled across a really cool quote that resonated with me. The people in my life are not likely to change, but I can change myself. I can find greatness in my every day life. Isn’t that what makes it unconventional? Be good to yourselves always. There is only one you.

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Me Complaining? No way!

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Marriage, Relationships, Spirituality

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I would like to introduce you to my dog Bruno. This is the cute little face my husband came up the steps with when he returned in October.

The back story is that everyone had wanted a pet for the last four years, but no consensus had been reached. I being the only source of estrogen in the house wanted a small dog or an independent cat who required little care. My three men as I call them wanted a large dog, a pit bull. So we argued and argued and I ended each argument by putting my foot down with a vehement no.

And then there was Bruno, a pit/lab mix. This was my husband’s way of saying I am the man, head of household, running the show up in here up in here spouse. This is our new order. He of course will never admit this lol. I took the cute little puppy and gave the hubby my list of I will nots.

Slowly but surely my husband slacked on his puppy duties. Bruno was not house trained and that was my first I will not. Hubby got tired of constant clean up and protested. “Y’all play with the dog, but you won’t help me clean up after him. That’s not right.” I am now realizing my Nigerian husband is using southern terms like y’all, which is very amusing. He also argues like an African. This can mean very long debates. He finds these amusing as we suffer through them and we all begin to yell like banshees  just to drown him out.

He said to me on a Friday night, you get to sleep in on Saturday while I have to go to work. Screech, back up! What? I informed him that he had single handedly taken away all my sleeping in by deciding to get a dog all by himself. The extra responsibility was too much. That I had no me time cause even the dog looks to me for food when I get home and that because of his male ego he had altered my life without my permission. Did I mention you don’t accuse a proud African of having ego issues? Yeah definitely not supposed to do that. He took Bruno to go sleep on the couch, which was not nice because they are my source of warmth at night lol.  He texts me from the basement he had put my puppy up for adoption on Craigslist.

Exclusive ownership of Bruno can shift depending on the situation. Since we weren’t sure of Bruno’s fate, I packed a back pack with snacks for both of us and rolled out. Dogs on hikes can’t be adopted.. We sat by a beautiful lake, ate our snacks and made our way home.

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I came in my room to pray. Arguing over stupid stuff was becoming annoying. Of course I was pointing the finger at the husband who had accused me of complaining too much. I was like Jesus does he know my struggle? I’m tired, always on, cleaning, cooking…… I am American! I have a job too! As I flipped through my normal chapters for encouraging words I found none. Isaiah,  psalms, proverbs…..nothing. So I started reading chapters you never hear about Jude, Philemon….nothing. Let me show you where I end up.

Philippians 2:14 – Do everything without complaining or arguing.

I exhaled. Why was I in trouble? Is this seriously the verse you want me to focus on? I was not the only one guilty. I took another breath and accepted the correction.  My actions had not been the greatest. I shifted my focus.

The greatest gift to a relationship is to focus on improving yourself. You can’t force the other to change, they have to want change. I shifted my focus to being grateful. My list of to dos has not gotten shorter, but that is no longer my focus. Arguing over stupid stuff caused a separation and the worst year. A year we can’t get back. As I went through that struggle I decided I wanted to change me. I wanted others to be happy to be in my life.

As I sit typing this blog my husband is washing my car for me. He fixes anything that is broken. We all have food and shelter. We are a family. There is laughter, peace and love flowing through my home. There used to be so much strife. We have a family pet who loves walks, runs and hikes.

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Nope I won’t complain.

If I Had Wishes For Falling Stars

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Relationships, Spirituality, Yoga

Jude 1:2 – Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance.

I am the color of peanut butter. Native, African and European collided to make me. Sometimes I feel as if I don’t belong to any particular people group. White doesn’t claim me. Black says I’m not black enough. Native doesn’t know me and refuses to historically accept me and those like me in some tribes. What is my identity?

My husband very proudly declares he is African. He is in love with his blackness. He looks at me and shrugs lol. He along with everyone else in my family thinks I’m not black enough. If one more person asks if we’re having black food for Thanksgiving we will be in a drive through! Is it too much to ask that my gourmet palette be indulged for one day?

My life experience has been very different. Black girls hated me growing up and I could never understand why. I just wanted friends. The white girls took me in and were my best friends. They taught me about shaving legs and wearing eyeliner in elementary school. My mother hit the roof. Her black child was not supposed to do those things! I snuck and did both and my sister made sure to sing like a canary. I belonged to a group so I didn’t care and I very proudly lifted up my aqua net bangs with my friends. She messed up my census paperwork anyways. I was supposed to be an other lol.

Middle and high school were different. Leaving West Virginia for Northern Virginia was culture shock indeed. There was such diversity! It was awesome! I am the color of peanut butter and I sounded like a country hick/redneck. Black kids demanded I be quiet or go back to wherever there were people with my accent. My sister tried to work with me for days. I will never know how she mastered the accent of the hood that we’d never been to. Exasperated she gave up and begged me to say I was adopted. No one wanted me to answer the phone, it confused whoever was calling. I sang John Denver’s Country Roads every single day. Ahh sweet childhood memories. Luckily the asian, white and hispanic kids were ready to befriend me. I was in honors, you only needed to be intelligent. I also landed two black friends.
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So this is the back story to what exactly? A grand jury verdict I suppose. I don’t know how to feel due to my life experience. Should I be enraged, mournful or anxious? I keep asking my husband if perhaps we should try Canada? He’s enraged. I’m thoughtful. Last night we were watching his black history DVDs followed by a sermon in a black church by a black man. “Kathryn you hear that,” he asks. I reply yes. I want to understand a black man’s experience in America, but is that even possible?

Five days a week I am surrounded by black children because I work in public housing. My sons are black teenagers. At times I am concerned about their existence in this country.

I asked God to show me something after my yoga class on Sunday and we made a few stops, but this verse in Jude stuck with me. It is the focus of my yoga practice. Yoga has no color. I belong to a people group again. The instagram yoga community is amazing! I find more of myself with each pose. I do headstand when I am overwhelmed. I call it changing my perspective. I have been balanced on my head quite a lot for months. My husband thinks I’m crazy, but last night he was balanced on his head as well. He keeps asking me why I spend so much time on my head and in yoga poses. I always give the same response. “I’m looking for Jesus. We meet on my yoga mat.” I then listen to very long speeches on mixing religions. He doesn’t realize I left religion for relationship a long time ago. People do evil things behind religion. I just want to emulate the heart of God.

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So if I had wishes for falling stars. I would wish all human life mattered not it’s origin. I would wish that none of the public housing children would fall into doomed generational statistics. That children sold into sex trafficking would be set free and their souls healed. That child soldiers would lay down weapons for toys. That young girls would not have to be mutilated or become child brides. That diversity would be appreciated. That the heart of yoga would flow through more people. That my son would pull his damn pants up! That I would be accepted for myself because peanut butter is freaking awesome! Above all I pray that mercy, peace and love be your covering.
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Namaste.

Prodigal Challenges

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, Faith, Inspiration, mental health, parenting, Relationships, Spirituality

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I was groggy when I dropped my son off this morning at the jail to begin his community service. I drove like a bat out of hell trying to get him there by 7:45. I am sick and tired literally.

I watched strange youth line up. So many of them. I just sat for a moment as I tried to absorb statistics against a grey sky accompanied by a brisk wind. My son didn’t wear a coat like the others. He wasn’t prepared. Neither was I. I haven’t quite figured out how to cope  with this set of circumstances.

I have retraced all my motherhood steps. I have yet to find the misstep. I have asked my son multiple times to help me, but he simply says, “You were a good mom.”

Hours later he calls and says he is not being released. The spin of the tornado begins again. I lose it because I am sick and I just want to rest. I don’t want to have to deal with a rebellious son entangled in the criminal justice system. “I’m sick of your fucking lifestyle. If you had better friends I wouldn’t be dealing with this shit.” He hangs up. He calls back. I am still in an exasperated panic. I shut him down with anger. Epic fail again.

I call my mom who joins me in the whipping winds of an unwanted emergency. The unpaid court fines do not belong to us, but once again we absorb another burden. My mother insists we can’t give up on him.

“Jesus this isn’t fair. You didn’t ask me if I wanted to experience this. I would have vehemently said no thank you.” I think about the emotional and financial drain this puts on me. I simply don’t feel like it.

I am baffled by the disappearance of my son. It’s hard to hold eye contact with who he is. My shoulders slump in disappointment. My eyes are tired from crying. It’s hard to focus.

After repenting for cussing like a sailor, I can only pray for mercy. I don’t understand why this is happening. I paused almost my entire adulthood to raise my sons. I went to churches and parks instead of clubs. I tried so hard, which makes feeling like a failure even worse.

My husband reads the parable of the prodigal son very loudly. He asks if I understand that I can’t love my son more than God does. I nod yes. He asks why am I crying when God is at peace. I just stare blankly at him. “You see Kathryn, God will use whatever circumstance that is necessary to draw us to him. You still do not understand his love,” he says. The tension between us is now gone.

My son is an unknown number to me for the next several days. I named him Christian so that he would know to whom he belonged. No judicial system can ever erase or replace that.

And Then There Was Light

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, Faith, Hope, Inspiration, mental health, Relationships, Spirituality, Uncategorized

Colossians 4:2 – Continue praying, keeping alert and always thanking God.

I have been absent from the blogosphere because of so many changes happening so quickly in my life. It’s been truly amazing and I am so grateful for small miracles.

I just experienced one of the darkest years of my life, but I managed to find peace in the midst of so much turmoil. I did this through prayer, worship, exercise and yoga. For 13 months I only had two goals. Survive the turmoil by taking one day at a time and allow God to develop my character.

It wasn’t easy! Have you ever had one of those days where you feel crushed by problems and it throws you into depression and/or anxiety? Last week I had serious financial problems. A year ago I would have completely shut down from not having enough money. Today I acknowledged there was a problem, prayed and waited for God to provide the solution. Everything fell into place just in time. My husband looked at me and said, “Do you ever think about how God has perfect timing?” I laughed because about a minute earlier I had said a prayer of thanks for the very thing he was questioning me on.

I have started practicing yoga headstands when I feel myself getting anxious. I call it changing my perspective. There’s just something about being upside down. It allows me to visualize all the worries or problems falling from my mind while meditating on biblical promises. Quirky remedy, but it works for me and I have much stronger abs lol.

I never imagined I would be in a mental space of contentment. I had to release the need to control everything and everyone. Any drama being brought into my life by others was classified as optional. When pursuing peace it is not possible to live in chaos caused by drama. I had to choose the healthiest option for my own mind and spirit.

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Integrating into the Instagram yoga and exercise community has been amazing. I have so much encouragement from total strangers. I love the yogis who post insightful quotes with their pictures. Love and release of expectations are at the center of my practice. I do not have to be the overachiever driven by an insane need for success. Not to say I haven’t been like I can do that and tried some pose knowing better. I have. I’m a work in progress. When this happens I just remind myself I am not in competition with anyone. This is my journey and it’s ok to be happy with where I am in that moment. I am grateful for this paradigm shift in my thinking, it didn’t come easily.

I am grateful that I have stripped my Christian walk all the way down to the basics through prayer. Love is as basic as it gets. If people practiced the act of giving love more we would live in a better environment.

I sat one day and read some of the prayers I had written in my journal over the last year. I noticed there was so much need, but an overall lack of gratitude in the beginning for what I had. I have learned to be thankful for every small blessing. It’s amazing at what hikes and yoga mats will show you.

My home is happy and consolidated now. The husband returned with a puppy that I absolutely love. I have found a comfortable place to be in as a wife. I did not have this before. We are working together instead of separately. I made it through a very tough time with my oldest son. No parent ever wants to see their child at the mercy of a court of law. I prayed through asana after asana. I dedicated hours of yoga practice towards the reconciliation of my family. Everything is not perfect, but God finally spoke to my storm and said let there be light.

I learned to dance in the rain with a grateful heart. Heart openers are some of my favorite poses. You can’t receive anything if your heart is closed. For better or worse were the words I spoke almost nine years ago. So glad that the worse seems to finally be behind me.

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Overcoming Fear

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Marriage, mental health, Relationships, Separation

I became acquainted with fear as a child observing my mother and other family members.  I observed that because they were afraid of doing most anything our family tended to have the same outcomes.  This observation greatly shaped the adult I would become.

I would acquire an extreme fear of committment.  If I could redo about two decades of relationships I would.  Bad choices left layers of pain.  As a youth, I developed the idea that marriage was evil.  I saw nothing good in it.  Marriage created siblings that meant extra responsibilities.  More work for my mother.  Arguments over adult issues and the list goes on and on.  I decided by the time I became a teen that I would never get married.  I would at most have a live in boyfriend with a backup just in case.

I carried all of these fears into my marriage and oh the devastation it caused.  I didn’t even notice what was happening.  I remember one day being in the kitchen and I just began to cry. “God why did you place these three people under my care?  I’m such a failure.  I never wanted a family and you totally rearranged my life!  Look at the mess I’ve created.”  I received the most gentle reply as I walked to the table and opened the bible.  I had never seen the scripture before, but I had to go sit down after reading Psalm 68:6.

My tears of frustration turned into tears of gratitude.  He had connected two of the most lonely people, my husband and myself, across an ocean.  My husband had said prayer for a family far away from Nigeria.  On my end I had a five-year old telling me his house was supposed to have a daddy that lived there with us.  My youngest son is a handful!  My husband found my match.com profile.  I can only laugh at how all of this happened.  You live long enough to be able to recognize divine intervention when it happens because you go around in a daze asking if what occurred really happened the way it did.

As I sat on the couch, I realized that God had blessed me with children and a husband so that I would know what unconditional love felt like and all I did was complain about it.  Months ago in a soaking worship service I had a vision of myself as a child.  I was in a pit in a white dress turning in circles.  I was searching for someone to love me, but no one ever came.  Although I was in this pit, there was the brightest light all around me and the most beautiful lawn.  God whispered to me, “You will never have to search for love like that again.”  Have you ever been totally wrecked with gratitude?  I needed so many kleenex that evening.  It was an epic day for healing a very deep hurt that I had carried for decades.  I hurt my family because I was broken and hurting.  I have sense learned you should enter into marriage a whole person.  My husband and I had no pre-marital counseling, but lots of issues that should have been discussed.

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Continue reading “Overcoming Fear” →

Cracked Vessels

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, depression, Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Relationships, Separation

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I have two options for Wednesdays. Writer’s group or yoga class. Each group serves a different need to connect with others. Even if I sit quietly as introverts do, I find short reprieves that make me very grateful.

It’s the third day of picking myself up and trying again. I know Jesus has all my pieces in his hands. I know eventually it will be ok. There are some helping now with the pieces. Most go. Hoping for those who will see a reason to stay.

How I feel. No really.

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, depression, Faith, Marriage, Relationships, Separation, Uncategorized

How do I feel? That’s a loaded question I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about. The last two days have been very challenging. I feel exhausted, heartbroken, lonely, sad and hopeless.

I have no desire to live in an indefinite limbo. Not one part of me understands why I am married to someone I haven’t seen in two months. I had started the mental process of giving up last week. And then there was the text where he called me baby. I turned my head in all directions. I looked at the confirmation, yes baby, not knowing what to text afterwards. Naturally I asked why. Why do you refer to me with such a loving term when your actions scream otherwise at me? Your actions make me feel like I am nothing. That emptiness will be my only companion. He questioned what I had expected to be called. Nothing.

I have chosen exercise to try and cope with the ache in my heart. I don’t get to choose which days are harder than others. Eeyore days randomly choose me. I listened to Joyce Meyer yesterday preach on why feelings shouldn’t be a major factor making decisions. She spoke on their ability to derail everything. She used the scripture I had read right before turning on the podcast. Probably not a coincidence.

Galatians 6:9 – So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

Did I mention I was tired and I can’t take anymore? My therapist is clever. I had stopped praying because I was afraid. That is the wrong thing to tell a Christian therapist. Yes, he made me pray last session. He said pray and declare over your family Kathryn and so I did. He then asked if I understood why he was giving me these instructions. Yes, because praying God’s will would not intentionally harm me was my reply.

I’m six months shy of my ninth anniversary. I remember leaving my two small children to fly across an ocean to marry someone. I remember fighting a five year immigration battle alone. I remember spending months researching immigration cases trying to get my husband here faster alone. Taking a suitcase full of clothes to a nephew I would never meet when he had nothing. I remember all the sacrifices I have made and that’s why I feel an indescribable amount of pain. How can you shift what hurts so bad?

I have so many unanswered questions. I keep trying to understand why there is no fulfillment. I am only half of the equation. My mind knows how a husband is supposed to love a wife and how that love would be multiplied and returned in greater quantities. I have nothing to increase or return. I return neglect with silence. Inevitably this will result in a negative outcome. Perhaps this is a cultural divide as wide as the grand canyon, but that doesn’t make it alright.

Today I am wallowing. I know that is not good. I feel so tired of living life this way. I’m only human. My heart wants to believe and hope in every biblical promise. It’s just hard when prayers continually go unanswered. It’s even harder when all you can hear are the lyrics to Jealous by Beyonce with head bowed and hands clasped. Perhaps that is my prayer. I relate to those words. I hate you for your lies and your colors. I hate us for making good love to each other. If you’re keeping your promise I’m keeping mine. Amen

I can only hope for a better tomorrow where laughter comes from deep within my soul instead of the tears that so frequently overflow from my heart.

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Sink Way Deep Down

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, depression, Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Marriage, mental health, Relationships, Separation, Uncategorized

There has been such tragedies in the news over the last week. Momentum building with one story after another. Eric Garner strangled to death by choke hold. Michael Brown murdered in Ferguson. Robin Williams commits suicide because of depression. Two more black males murdered by law enforcement. People fleeing persecution in Iraq. I spent most of my week weeping for people I don’t even know.

I may never meet them, but I have prayed for them. My oldest son is 18. I tried to talk to him after the Michael Brown tragedy, but I honestly could barely find words. The picture I had seen of the mother brought my breath to a halt. Only a photograph can capture that level of agony. I carried that image in my mind for days.

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Photo credit: Huy Mach

I’ve carried pain in my heart for months. Shifting it around, trying to lessen the load. Praying, breathing, meditating and stretching beyond my current self. There is a lot going on in my life. My marriage is still at a complete halt. I can at this moment say I’m neither married nor single. I live in question mark status. Nevertheless, I’m going to rely on the one who never changes. Jesus. He is trying to get me to be a better human through all of this. Pain causes you to grow.

 

I had decided to close my joint account last week and begin processing divorce in minuscule increments. Even that seemed to be too much. A text from my husband came at 5:45 a.m. Do not close the joint account. Translation is simple, we are not taking the first step towards divorce. I could only type ok.

I have read Proverbs 31 many times trying to figure out how to become this woman for my family. I have worked so hard on self-improvement over the last year. I’ve been waiting on my sons and husband to notice. For someone to call me blessed. My son called me crazy a few days ago. I really contemplated his one word description of me based on my past actions and it made me very sad.

I have been taking yoga classes every Sunday and Tuesday. It’s becoming something I need to do to start my week peacefully. Reflecting on all the violence stemmed from hatred in the news I placed my mat on the floor. I was praying for a scripture to focus on during the class. In front of me was a yogi that had a stone placed on her mat. I know that has to do with chakras and energy. Our instructor wanted to chant. I abstained, but I listened to the beautiful sound it made and it left me with a very good feeling. I have been dedicating my yoga practice to God healing myself and my family. So many different people and beliefs in one room and there was no hatred. Maybe some have life complications, but we all left it on the mat. I was the only brown person in the room, but I felt peace not fear.

Romans 14:9 – So let us try to do what makes peace and helps one another.

I honor each life experience. For experience teaches wisdom and we should never grow tired of learning. Every life has value. Every problem a solution. Your belief may be different from mine, but I serve a God of such an amazing love. I am going to do my very best to share this love with my family and whomever else I’m destined to encounter. I also believe we should love our planet and the animals that don’t speak human. Let your roots sink way deep down as storms will come from time to time. Like yogis you will find we have the ability to bend and not break.

I am very grateful for every person that took the time to pray for me and my family over the last year. I am thankful we are all here. I am thankful that I know God is no respector of persons. I am thankful that miracles can arise from the most horrific circumstances. I am thankful God restores the broken. Namaste.