A Lovely February

This month, I was very intententional about experiencing Black arts and culture for Black History Month. With only a few days left of February,  I must admit to being wiped out from acting like an extrovert all month 🤣. Today, I quietly sat in my divination space, trying to improve my bullet journaling skills. A much need introvert recharge!

My February arts experiences included:

– Plunky and Oneness concert

– The Colored Museum play

– African American Read In

– Current documentary screening and talk

– Afrikana Film Festival screening of Origins

– Kadencia Afro Puertican concert

My monthly tarot energy was the judgment card. Judgment can represent an epiphany, rebirth and new opportunities. I had this realization that life was just passing me by. My days consist of a lot of work and not much else. I realized it was time to make some major life changes. This will require me to close some doors on people and situations that no longer serve my highest good. I have been in limbo for too long and it’s time to move forward. I don’t exactly know where this road is going, but I have to trust things will work out for the best.

I managed to take a few days off for my birthday. I normally plan a solo trip that includes a flight to somewhere,  but this year I spent my birthday with my sisters and mom. It was a great birthday!  We went to an open mic night and Cuban restaurant that had great food and dancing. I’m still hoping to do a trip to Cartagena this year. I love solo trips!

I also had been in dating app hell and had given myself an exit deadline. I’m happy to say I’m free! I’m looking for something the apps don’t have and I’m ok with that. Not to say a wonderful surprise didn’t show up. Well more like a manifestation, but I’m observing and going with the flow.  I don’t find myself worrying about the future. I’m truly happy with the present moment which is a great accomplishment for someone with control issues that likes detailed long-term plans lol. My astrologer said I’m welcoming joy back into my life.

I know March will require me to make major changes. I’ve been working to gather that insane level of faith that results in miracles. I’ve had enough miracles to know to trust my intuition. Life is never boring lol!

Are you experiencing an epiphany or a fresh start? I’d love to hear about it! I hope you are also running after lovely days. It could be something small as lunch with a friend or as big as traveling to somewhere you’ve never been. Fill a journal with these memories and give it to yourself as a gift.

A Year of Lovely Days

It’s been slightly over a year since my last blog. 2023 was beyond hard and I always try to find something inspirational to include in my writing here. Although I would’ve gladly chosen death last year over heartbreak here I am. Blame it on my dog.

Bruno makes life better!

Last year I wondered if it were harder to grieve someone who died versus someone who was alive. I still don’t know the answer. I tried to focus on what I was supposed to learn. I worked very closely with my shaman and other energy healers. Towards the end of the year I started EMDR therapy. I decided it was time for life to have a new narrative as far as my relationships.

We had to start with my critical need for safety, and I realized I had been in fight or flight since I was around seven. That was a serious revelation to process. I learned to cross my arms and tap my shoulders to bring my nervous system out of panic mode. Through shamanic healings, I learned my narrative needed to change from trying to save others from themselves so they would love me correctly. I had to watch people I loved more than anything self-destruct and do nothing. My need to control everything was tested way beyond my comfort zone. Magnesium and ashwaganda were my lifeline. I had to learn I can only control myself.

You attract what you are. You repel what you are not. Everything is energy.

I’m infatuated with Sufi mystics, Rumi is my favorite. I was looking for something to bring in a better year and of course Rumi had the most amazing quote.

2024 Theme

2023 was full of tears and anxiety, but this year I will intentionally walk towards lovely days. I made a bullet journal to document these special moments. January has been filled with lovely days. Dates with my friends, writing submissions for publication, completing my first artist fellowship and returning to a regular yoga practice just to name a few. Lovely days can have small blessings or huge miracles. You are the author of your story. You are the alchemist that can manifest your vision.

As they say, sometimes life does the most and you just have to persevere. Doors close, windows open. Maybe time heals all. Maybe it doesn’t. In shamanism, there are multiple destiny lines and soul contracts. I hope you know you’re worth the highest destiny line. Even if it comes with plot twists and turns that put you in a level of darkness you’ve never experienced. I hope you chase it with blind faith! I pray that someone is brave enough to love you just as much as you love them for a complete lifetime.

Thanks for following my blog and I’m sorry for the long absence! I hope you will share in my year of intentional lovely days! May you be well. May you be whole. May you be loved.

Home (Memoir)

Where do you find home when you’ve searched most of your life for belonging? I have not found home in square or rectangular structures built by men with plans. I have found home in being a cypress tree in my dreams. Tall and strong with roots anchored deep into Mother Earth and branches growing towards the bluest sky.

Go home America says if you’re black, brown or any color other than white. My body traveled to the mother land, Nigeria to be exact. I walked out of the Lagos airport and saw the same shade of black among so many people. It was as if I was sifting the darkest coffee roast with my eyes instead of my hands. I wondered how I would find the man I flew thousands of miles to marry with no hue variation in people. Panic, awe and intrigue went through me all at the same time. Panic finally said, “Crazy girl you’ve done it now! Your ass did not think about everyone being Black and your phone not working across the Atlantic. What if his ass doesn’t show up to marry you?” I then looked up from my phone to see him walking towards me smiling. I breathed a sigh of relief. I saw blackness everywhere amongst strange foods and bright, patterned fabrics. We tried to find home in each other. We tried to forget we were running from the hurt of others as we exchanged vows and rode motorcycles. I tried to wash the heat of the land off me multiple times daily but had not packed enough clothes for so many showers. Perhaps that’s why the television shows I remember about Africa had half-naked people with painted faces. I would rather have been naked with tribal face paint standing in the ocean with blue green waves crashing around me.

We lived in my American house, but like I said, I never found home in structures created by men. When he left, I found home in an esoteric pull to mystic things. I was not scared because I’ve had the gift of sight into the supernatural since I was a child. Ancestors, spirit guides and spirit animals greeted and welcomed me home to my authentic self. My mother watched this journey and remembered my baptism as a baby in the spiritualist church. I always laugh as she tells me I was aunt Helen’s child as she stood at the altar with Reverend Hester. My mother sat in the back frozen with fear as objects began to float in air during the baptism. My mom is afraid of everything and we call her chicken little. I am awaiting the right time to visit the spiritualist people. My intuition tells me I know how to do their magic. Their founder shared my birthday and loved the woods like me. Reading his biography with my aunt was eerie.

I have a favorite meditation, come home to your authentic self. I think I find home in the evolution of me. My vertebrae merge African and Native American spiritual practices in my body. I left churches for bodies of water and campfires. I know the Cherokee heart song and have been jolted once by some electric force during a shamanic journey. African shamans are initiated by lightning strikes. My shaman says, “Kathryn you have the mojo you don’t need me.” I think she’s the training wheels to my current bicycle ride.

Home is healing with emerald energy placed at heart center. It’s waking up to Mexican curls on the pillow beside me and the sound of Telemundo echoing through the house. It’s Home Depot runs on Sunday because the Mexican is the one that builds structures I never found home in. Although when I go into the basement he renovated I turn in circles thinking to myself this is now home. I wonder about us. I haven’t told him his spirit leaves his body and tells me how much he loves me. He is afraid of this love. I wonder about us, soulmates with the 222 energy circling us. I watch him in the garden through windows. Keep the faith Kat and come home to your authentic self. Whoever she may be I’m sure she’ll be strangely magnificent.

Healing Blackness

I started my job as a reiki master at Lucid Living in December 2020. This is the only time I’ve executed the law of attraction flawlessly. I was so excited to join a black owned business focused on holistic healing.

I’ve seen a diverse mix of clients, mostly women. And then one evening there was the young black man having his first reiki experience with me. His friend had made an emergency appointment for him. I asked my normal pre-session questions. What brings you in? Where do you want energy directed? What is your intention? He answered as best he could, but I had to read between the lines.

We as a black community are not taught to seek services or healing for stress, anxiety or other mental health issues. We are taught to pray. You are questioned and often berated if you seek the help of a therapist. I’m a reiki master, so just amplify that criticism to an infinite amount. Yet there is so much daily stress and trauma in our people.

I have made healing from trauma a priority in my life due to what I see at work and just wanting to end generational patterns in my own life. Being a black woman working in public housing communities full of poverty, crime and yes mental health issues for so long can feel like wearing a winter coat in a Florida summer. It’s heavy, very heavy.

A few more black men trickled into my appointments and it was such a joy to provide them with reiki. One astral traveled to his house and was quite surprised by my explanation of what happened during his session lol. I hope the Black community finds tools such as reiki, meditation, sound baths, etc. I hope the community will be less close minded about spiritual practices that have significant health benefits for stress, anxiety and depression.

I recently filed with Virgina’s SCC office and am officially The Unconventional Life. I offer in person and remote reiki appointments in addition to making reiki candles. I will soon offer shamanic healing sessions and hopefully in 2022 shamanic breathwork sessions. The energy I felt during my first breathwork session was 🤯! On of the most amazing hours yet! I am also looking forward to certifying reiki practioners and masters.. Very grateful for everyone that has been vulnerable enough to trust me as their reiki master. I love holding space for you! Follow my IG page, TheUCLife, and DM for appointments.

Kite Tails

I am walking in footsteps on the shore.
Grandmothers, great grandmothers, great great grandmothers.
I am dressed in ceremonial white holding kite tails.
The seer sees me placing white and yellow lilies and white daisies in healing waters.
My hand clutches my offering.
The seer sees flowers blooming down my back.
They have grown over the scars of slavery, Jim Crow and 2020.
My soul has chosen blackness for many lifetimes.
Abundance at my fingertips
Fingertips reaching for their last grip of air as breath leaves black bodies killed by gun violence.
Hands of all ethnicities pulling the triggers.
Make sure your cries of anger state this fact.
Make your historic records more accurate than the ones we currently have
For your generations have been stripped of the truth and the seekers of truth are silenced by buildings with crosses so they hide in caves on the outskirts.
These are your true prophets but you do not receive them.
The truth shall set you free.
I loosen my grip on kite tails and exhale breath as my second offering.
I close my eyes and travel backwards to the sound of crashing waves.
To the sounds of whips.
To the sounds of necks breaking from ropes tied to trees.
To the sounds of wailing and deep moans of broken families.
The grandmothers gather to pray in the water.
Strong black women tired of finding strength in agony and harsh circumstances.
I want to be called gentle and dainty, something feminine that does not invoke fear.
Grann brings me a doll and imploring eyes.
With great sorrow I acknowledge I do not know these traditons as I am piecing together my spiritual lineage.
I hear, ” They took our dolls and you don’t know our prayers!”
I exhale breath as an offering.
Abundance surrounds my aura
As the energetic transfer from lifetime to lifetime occurs.
The grandmothers are waiting on me to be in multiple realms to heal everyone.
I exhale breath as an offering and loosen my grip on kite tails.
The seer sees kisses being placed on my back.
He loves me gently behind closed doors in darkness, but shatters my heart in the brightest sunlight.
The grandmothers place prayers and broken hearts in healing waters.
We cover transgressions to maintain families and relationships.
We give happiness and security as sacrifice.
I make a mandala with my flowers and exhale breath as an offering.
The grandmothers give me their blessing.
I give them their healing should they return.
We stand in a circle of white and yellow lilies and white daises
Receiving hope, peace and love.
I give my offering to Father Sun and watch kite tails and grandmothers go into the light.
I stand in multiple realms in earth and water and give thanks.
Ase, Aho, Amen.

The Year I Needed Christmas

As January 2021 began I felt hopeful and relieved. I think most of us did. 2020 was a year we won’t forget.

My year started with a lumpectomy last January. I had received the cancer diagnosis in late November. I drove in to my appointment blasting Beyonce. I was ushered into a room by the doctor and knew I wouldn’t be leaving the same way I came in. Cancer had not been in my life plan and I went into complete shock. I didn’t have the option of falling apart. I had to keep it together so everyone around me would do the same. So many friends were getting the same diagnosis, but cancer didn’t win we did and we chose to live life intentionally.

Then relationship problems came. Followed by more relationship problems. I don’t even know how we made it. My tarot readers were serving in therapist’s roles lol. I did so much karmic work with my shaman last year I didn’t think the karmic energy could be resolved. I was surviving the apocalypse of 2020 in a daze. I felt like I was in the worst sci-fi movie and the writer had forgotten to write the ending.

This year I needed Christmas. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had put up a Christmas tree, but I made my boyfriend pull it out the closet and put it up. I suppose everyone needed Christmas because stores had no decorations. Luckily it was prelit and I had a few bows lol. My mother just shook her head, but looking at the lights made me feel better. I didn’t whittle away at Christmas last year. I welcomed it like an old friend with open arms. I bought gifts, planned dinner and enjoyed the tree.

My 2020 Christmas tree

January 2021 is starting a little crazy. I’ve laughed at a few of the memes. Last year we were forced into reflection time. I spent so much time thinking about what I took for granted, what my dreams were and how I would hit the ground running this year in the direction of my dreams. It’s the third week of January and I’m practicing reiki and love my clients, I’m creating reiki products and I was accepted into a writing workshop by one of my favorite authors. I’ve woke up beside my soul mate every day for six months and I love him and my family more even though we still have challenges to overcome. I will continue to do the work to evolve my soul and I’m thankful to have such a caring shaman. I hope you had the time to clearly see what matters most to you. If you were slacking before what are you waiting on? Go get it!

Home

Where do you find home when you’ve searched most of your life for belonging?  I have not found home in square or rectangular structures built by men with plans.  I have found home in being a cypress tree in my dreams.  Tall and strong with roots anchored deep into mother earth and branches growing toward the bluest sky.   

Go home America says if you’re black or brown or any color for that matter.  My body traveled to the mother land, Nigeria to be exact.  I walked out of the Lagos airport and saw the same shade of black among so many people.  It was as if I was sifting the darkest coffee roast with my eyes instead of my hands.  I wondered how I would find the man I flew thousands of miles to marry with no hue variation in people.  Panic, awe and intrigue went through me all at the same time.  Panic finally said, “Crazy girl you’ve done it now.  Your ass did not think about everyone being black and your phone not working across the Atlantic.  What if his ass doesn’t show up to marry you?”  I looked up from my phone to see him walking towards me smiling.  I breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Damn you’re crispy and I’m here now.” 

I saw blackness everywhere amongst strange foods and bright, patterned fabrics.  We tried to find home in each other.  We tried to forget we were running from the hurt of others as we took vows and rode motorcycles.  I tried to wash the heat of this land off me multiple times daily but had not packed enough clothes for so many showers.  Perhaps that is why the television shows I remember about Africa had half naked people with painted faces.  I would rather have been naked with white tribal paint on my face standing in the ocean with green waves crashing around me.  We lived in my American house, but like I said I never found home in structures created by men.   

When you left, I found home in an esoteric pull to mystic things.  I was not scared because I’ve had the gift of sight into the supernatural since I was a child.  Ancestors, spirit guides and spirit animals greeted me and welcomed me home to my true self.  My mother watches this journey and remembers my baptism as a baby in the spiritualist church.  I laugh each time she tells me I was Aunt Helen’s child as she stood at the altar with Reverend Hester.  My mother sat in the back frozen with fear as objects began to float in air during the baptism. My mom is afraid of everything and we call her Chicken Little.  I am awaiting the right time to visit the spiritualist people.  My intuition tells me I know how to do their magic.  Their founder shared my birthday and love of woods like me.  Reading his biography with my aunt was eerie. 

I have a favorite meditation, come home to your authentic self.  I think I find home in the evolution of me.  My spinal vertebrae merge African and Native American spiritual practices in my body.  I left churches for bodies of water and campfires.  I know the Cherokee heart song and have been jolted once by some electric force during a shamanic journey.  African shamans are initiated into healing work by lightning strikes.  My shaman says, “Kathryn you have the mojo you don’t need me.”  I think she is the training wheels to my current bicycle ride. 

Home is healing with emerald energy placed at heart center by crow.  It’s waking up to Mexican curls on the pillow beside me and the sound of Telemundo echoing through rooms.  It’s Home Depot runs on Sundays because the Mexican is one who builds structures I never found home in.  Although when I go into the basement he renovated, I turn in circles thinking to myself this is now home.  I wonder about us.  I haven’t told him his spirit leaves his body and tells me how much he loves me.  He is afraid of this love.  I wonder about us; soul mates with the 222 energy circling us. I watch him in the garden through windows.  Keep the faith Kat and come home to your authentic self.  Whoever she may be I’m sure she’ll be strangely magnificent.

Everything grows in his garden.

Becoming My Authentic Self

It’s a Tuesday evening and I’m completing my whirlwind trip to San Antonio to discuss the importance of early childhood education with other professionals from across the country. Everyone was very energized by the topic. This is what happens when your work is your passion. You have insane amounts of energy. I was intrigued and somewhat excited, but not quite energized. I find myself questioning why and how did I end up in these work spaces? I’m questioning whether or not I want to pick up another community problem. I’ve seen three astrologers recently, and for the most part the readings were the same. I’m an insanely creative individual with a great human service work to complete. It seems this is the soul contract I agreed to. However, the neglect of self that I am forced to accept in my current work is taking a toll. I’m very often tired, I find myself fleeing to rivers for hydromancy and I can’t remember the last time I slept without thoughts of trying to solve enormous community issues waking me up. The cards said the best life is coming, so as the saints instruct you to do, I’m yet holding on.But do I want to hold on?About a month ago I stayed at Galleywinter Farm for the weekend at my first shamanic retreat. Rachael Mannwas the facilitator and I’ve been working with her for a few years. I was instantly connected to her after my first soul reading. I just knew I would be safe on my new spiritual journey with her. The purpose of the retreat was to find your soul’s highest destiny line among the many available to you. We did shamanic journeying, we danced the medicine wheel, sang Cherokee songs, made earth mandalas and I attended my first fire ceremony. I also saw my highest destiny line. It was amazing!

This is where I am energized. This is the work I don’t want to leave, but there are these annoying things called bills and obligations.Last year my organization began work around trauma. This translates to me as healing work. Shamans heal. I have been very excited to find myself in mindfulness training with teachers. I have discovered I have a talent for combining my reiki training and mindfulness practice with my mother’s gift for interior design to make calm spaces. I am currently creating these spaces for an elementary and high school and the community center where we work with low-income youth. Who knew I’d love this so much?! Definitely not me. I also began redesigning my organization’s website as our fifth year approaches. I have spent several weekends at my kitchen table heavily involved in web content and design. As I end this year, I want to ensure that next year I am my authentic self. I have really been thinking a lot about what this will look like. I know I will no longer be able to serve an entire community alone. Stress is manifesting itself in the form of sickness and must be addressed. Executive Directors have a whole team of persons in the form of a board of directors that are supposed to help grow the mission and funds of the organization. This has yet to happen for me and I feel like I’ve had the longest trek through the hottest desert. Any desire I had to save anyone or anything is about completely gone. Yet I am still the insanely creative with a need to serve.

However, direct service for empaths is very difficult.

As I look forward to 2020, I’m identifying steps I need to take to live a more authentic life. This demands that I pay attention to my natural writing talents and a few other things.

  1. Practice saying no.
  2. Take care of my health. I can’t help anyone if I’m not well.
  3. Write and write often. This includes working on my novel, journaling, blogging, poetry and more.
  4. Return all social work duties to their rightful owners by the end of the year.
  5. Take a real vacation.
  6. Make some new friends. The struggle is real in this area lol.
  7. Begin shamanic training.
  8. Return to my yoga practice.

Technically this list could go on forever as I need an intervention, but I’ll stop here. My hope for you if you’re reading this is that you’ve found your way to living an authentic, fulfilling life. If not it’s not too late. What can you do to begin to create the life you want? After all, we create our reality. Is it switching careers? Moving to a new place? There are so many choices available to become your authentic self. As always the light in me sees and honors the light in you. Namaste.

Beacons of Light

For over a year I’ve looked at the wordpress app and my journal. There has been no time to designate to either. There has only been time for work and the occasional mental note of things I’d like to do if I had time.

One such mental note was visiting lighthouses. I took a birthday trip to OBX and was delighted about visiting my first lighthouse. I have yet to identify the reason for my fascination with them. Maybe because they are guides for unchartered voyages.

Midway through 2017 I think I was searching for light. I only had to look in the mirror. Light workers illuminate everything. So much has happened in these almost two years. I am in my fourth year of running a nonprofit. The spirit guide said he was sending a new guy and to be careful with his heart. He happens to be Mexican y yo soy muy feliz. Cuidado with people whom you try to hold onto that are blocking the path to blessings that will have you standing in one spot wondering . I took a novel writing class as an investment in myself. My book is not finished, but it was such a great experience. I became an advanced reiki practitioner in November of last year. I am on my way to becoming what I sense I was sent here to be.

Con El Mexicano

I can’t bring my journey forward two years in one blog post. I’m not quite sure where I’m going, but feel changes are coming soon. Angel numbers indicate good changes so I am not anxious. I am learning to appreciate the art of being present. This happens to be very important since the Vitamin Shoppe stopped selling Zenify lol.

As I continue on my journey, I will continually look for the light to guide me. I know this will bring wonderful people and experiences into my life. I will continue my exploration of shamanism and try to be a guide to those who have lost their way in darkness.

Shamans and Water

My heart has felt as light as a feather since Saturday. I met with my first shaman. I found her to be peculiar. She was Caucasian and wore glasses. She had sandy blonde hair gathered into a ponytail instead of jet black braids. I met with her for one quarter of an hour.

I ran my hand over stones and crystals. She told me to pick the one I needed. I relied on Spirit to guide my hand as my eyes were closed. This was an energy choice. I felt heat enter my hand and I made my selection. I opened my eyes to what appeared to be a very nice rock. “You have chosen the stone to heal a broken heart,” said Rachael. Tears began flowing down my face as I explained my heart was just too heavy since letting go of Jude. We placed the stone at heart center and she went to work.

I cried. She prayed.

You have had many lifetimes with Jude. What you see are the energies from these lifetimes. You have been parents in another lifetime. Your African ancestors are trying to help you manifest gifts of healing and vision you have. Very powerful gifts you have because you are one that can heal others simply by praying.

I felt the heat in my hands again. Its familiarity was always with me. I remembered the prophet who had long ago told me healing was in my hands. I remembered the night Jude had a stomach ache and my decision to use my hands. He felt the heat wherever I guided my hands. I focused. He questioned. We trusted in something greater as I had no answers for either of us, only intuition.

I then stood before Rachael and she said it was time for the spirit water. Spewing through a feather was the administration method. I was not prepared lol! I stayed in place trusting for I knew she had more than intuition. She could see into the spirit realm like myself.

She had the same vision of Jude I had had months before. She told me to fix the glitch in my own energy to fix the love attraction. His actions have left a trail of self doubt. In our final moments she wrote down books for me to read and asked how I felt. “Lighter, I feel lighter,” I replied.

On Sunday the water called to me so I went to her.

I sat on a rock for an hour enjoying the sounds of people and nature.

As I sat, I realized I am no longer afraid of Jude’s ancestors speaking to me in my sleep. I know now they are also mine for we have always been and will always be. I remember waking him up one evening as he slept on me at the park. “It’s like this with us,” he said to me. We fall into a dimensional home when it’s just us with no boundaries or time.

I thought I was about to connect to my Native American ancestry, but at the prompting of Rachael I will take the African path. Destiny lines are hanging in the balance waiting on me to fix energy glitches. Self doubt needs to be replaced with self love.

As always my family is freaking out lol. Rachael had asked me if I grew up evangelical and I happily replied, “Nope charismatic.” She said, “Oh well then that’s just African spiritualism.” Awesome! Who knew the apostolics were paving the trail in the woods for meeting my true self. I am hoping I didn’t promise my aunt not to contact the church I was baptized in. I knew there would be a connection as we read the founder’s bio and he had my same birthday and love of trees. Hearing my aunt pleading for me not to call accompanied with the pause after the sentences still makes me laugh. My mother just now keeps asking if I still believe in God. This also makes me laugh. She will be coming to straighten me out as soon as she retires I’ve been told lol.

May you journey well into your own authenticity and peace. May you find joy in being who you were created to be. May love and acceptance grace us all.

Thank you for reading and sharing in my journey. Namaste.