Faith. I think the biblical definition is the substance of things hoped for even if you don’t know how those things will come about. Faith has been one of the hardest struggles of my relationship walk.
I am fiercely independent and self-reliant. I’ve had to be that way most of my life. Long-term behavioral patterns are very hard to break. That was one reason I chose to stay in therapy over a year during my separation. The day I could look in the mirror and declare myself a whole person whom I liked was amazing. I credit that to me finding peace and joy in some very intense prophetic sessions. People don’t give prophets enough credit they’d rather seek out psychics. I know because this is my spiritual gift. I used to hate it, but I’ve learned to embrace it.
Huge irony that this would be my gift due to my serious struggle with faith. I do pray about my concerns, but often declare God is taking too long to fix things. I tend to roll up my sleeves and try to fix the problem eventually. Most times if not always I make it worse. Then you have to take the same spiritual test over and over due to a failing grade. That’s what happens when God needs you to grow as a person. You find yourself in different situations facing the same personal growth issues. If you’re determined to grow you eventually pass and move on to the next thing.
Six days ago I launched an Indiegogo campaign to raise money for kids in the public housing communities in which I work. This was insane on my part. My team is slammed. The three of us work like an army. Every day I have the responsibility of hundreds of lives resting on my shoulders. At times it’s overwhelming, but I know my job is more of a spiritual assignment.
Many call themselves Christians I guess for the hell of it or because they were born into the faith. It’s not a lifestyle. Yes their faith is kept inside the confines of the church structures. What about helping the poor? Loving the abandoned? Giving hope to those that have very little reason to hope?
For the past few months I’ve watched luxury cars with out of state tags drive in and out of the community I work in. I myself drove up on a drug deal about to go down in front of lots of children playing. I blocked the addict in his parking space by pretending to be meeting with my staff. My heart broke for him. I knew he needed those drugs and it had my stomach in knots. I would likely save all the broken people on the planet if I could. I looked at each child in sadness. This dysfunctional environment is their norm.
In January my seventh grader won a statewide essay contest sponsored by the Virginia Municipal League. I was his editor and I was so proud. The essay reflected on lack of activities for youth and the problems this causes. Na’Seem had too much on his mind to be 12 and it brought everyone to tears during the awards ceremony. It created in some an even greater determination to bring about change.
And then several of us jumped off the cliff and launched our fundraising campaign. $30,000 in 30 days. Guess whose bright idea it was lol. I think by Wednesday I was questioning why everyone had allowed me to talk them into this. Panic was setting in. You may have read about my struggle with anxiety. Side effect of being a reformed control freak. But seriously how do I raise this much money in a month?
I found myself unable to sleep one night so I began to pray, then plead, then cry and so on and so forth. Jesus what have I done? I have created an impossible situation, but with good intentions, because you placed me in an environment filled with poverty, lack of education and those depressing statistics Jennifer is always quoting. I can’t raise 30 in 30! I’m so glad I know I’m loved. It caused a shift.
I ignored logic and decided to have insane faith for the first time ever. “God you are not broke. You can do what I can’t and for some reason I’m crazy enough to believe in you right now. Jesus please make it rain.” Yes I used rap lyrics don’t judge my Gen X prayers. One week down and we’ve raised one percent of our goal.
Perhaps raising the money for my youth programs will not be my greatest blessing in all of this. Maybe I finally stumbled across the one needed mustard seed that will move me along on my journey. I will give this campaign all I have, but I also have enough faith in God to know that any miracle will not be the result of my work. I gave this to him in the middle of the night and I haven’t backed out of the deal. Proud moment! It’s not about me, but all about his glory.
To donate visit http://igg.me/at/HopewellStory/x. Miracles happen through ordinary acts of every day people.
The Unconventional Life 
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