Tag: healing

A Year of Lovely Days

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Faith, Hope, Inspiration, mental health, mindfulness, Relationships, Spirituality, Uncategorized

It’s been slightly over a year since my last blog. 2023 was beyond hard and I always try to find something inspirational to include in my writing here. Although I would’ve gladly chosen death last year over heartbreak here I am. Blame it on my dog.

Bruno makes life better!

Last year I wondered if it were harder to grieve someone who died versus someone who was alive. I still don’t know the answer. I tried to focus on what I was supposed to learn. I worked very closely with my shaman and other energy healers. Towards the end of the year I started EMDR therapy. I decided it was time for life to have a new narrative as far as my relationships.

We had to start with my critical need for safety, and I realized I had been in fight or flight since I was around seven. That was a serious revelation to process. I learned to cross my arms and tap my shoulders to bring my nervous system out of panic mode. Through shamanic healings, I learned my narrative needed to change from trying to save others from themselves so they would love me correctly. I had to watch people I loved more than anything self-destruct and do nothing. My need to control everything was tested way beyond my comfort zone. Magnesium and ashwaganda were my lifeline. I had to learn I can only control myself.

You attract what you are. You repel what you are not. Everything is energy.

I’m infatuated with Sufi mystics, Rumi is my favorite. I was looking for something to bring in a better year and of course Rumi had the most amazing quote.

2024 Theme

2023 was full of tears and anxiety, but this year I will intentionally walk towards lovely days. I made a bullet journal to document these special moments. January has been filled with lovely days. Dates with my friends, writing submissions for publication, completing my first artist fellowship and returning to a regular yoga practice just to name a few. Lovely days can have small blessings or huge miracles. You are the author of your story. You are the alchemist that can manifest your vision.

As they say, sometimes life does the most and you just have to persevere. Doors close, windows open. Maybe time heals all. Maybe it doesn’t. In shamanism, there are multiple destiny lines and soul contracts. I hope you know you’re worth the highest destiny line. Even if it comes with plot twists and turns that put you in a level of darkness you’ve never experienced. I hope you chase it with blind faith! I pray that someone is brave enough to love you just as much as you love them for a complete lifetime.

Thanks for following my blog and I’m sorry for the long absence! I hope you will share in my year of intentional lovely days! May you be well. May you be whole. May you be loved.

Page of Cups

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Uncategorized

I can’t remember the time of day two years ago he asked me if I could have kids. I looked at him and said yes and that was pretty much the decision to start trying. For me it would be starting all over again. For him it would be his first. It was important for me to give him this gift, it was a component of my highest destiny.

For two years we tried and the energy between us got so crazy in 2020 that I don’t know how we survived, but we did. My shaman cleared a lot of karmic energy from past lifetimes that was causing craziness in this lifetime. We were both tired of clearing energy and asked if the highest destiny was worth the price I was paying. I was sowing in tears hoping to reap a harvest. I held on a little longer, but the craziness continued and I let him know that there would be no baby with me until he was ready.

My sister dreamed first of her little Mexican niece. She called me so excited. “I can see her! Oh she’s so beautiful! When are y’all going to give me my baby?” “We’re trying,” I’d say. My sister is in denial about our shared spiritual gifts since my exit from the church lol. I was the next to see her in a dream. She’s quite beautiful and I became exicted and exasperated at the same time. Page of cups energy kept surfacing in my tarot readings about my relationship.

You two are going to have a child. This child is really trying to come here, she’s waiting on the right time. She’s not coming into craziness. Does she know who she chose for her parents lol? Page of cups is driving the spread….

In August I gave up the hope of having a daughter and decided travel it would be. Project Mexican baby had simply taken too long and we had chose to spoil the dog even more than he already was. I gave up a lot of things in August that had consumed me for months in worry. We both felt the shift of me being pulled in another direction, one that had my full attention. I was laughing and happy all the time from the energy of making my first short film. I had not been that way in a long time. Blunt conversations were had and the alarm sounded as I realized that perhaps I just might have had enough of trying.

You don’t realize what you have until it’s almost gone. Get it together sir, I tried to tell you I’m every woman. Soy bruja y mujer juntos. Soy especial. I’m the soul mate holding up the mirror so your reflection evolves, you do the same for me.

On the fifth day of the fifth week, my doctor called and said Ms. Thompson you’re pregnant. Five is the number of major changes coming. I was at Baker’s Crust eating a chicken sandwich and fries. “Sorry, what did you say,” I asked. “Ms. Thompson you’re pregnant.” I had drank a whole bottle of wine before as I was certain menopause had come for my ass years too early, so this news was surprising. I had been trying to think of a way to tell him no es possible ahora. Now I was calling saying we’re having a baby. His reaction was flat because he thought I was lying. I hate liars and he knows this lol. He sent his daily lunch text asking me how things were going. I asked him if he had gone crazy that day since he was clearly ignoring my big announcement. When he realized this was really happening I got the happy emoji and everyone was excited.

View of the lake during my hike

On the sixth day of the sixth week, I started spotting. Six is the number for balance. All the energy around me was out of balance and I had been going through a very stressful work event. On Tuesday night I went to the ER and turned back around when I saw how many people were waiting. I was not risking covid. The next morning I had an ultrasound and baby was there. I left the doctors and my spirit whispered life is leaving your body. I tried to be still. I promised everyone I would. I worked from the bed. The bleeding got worse daily. By 11:30 Saturday morning there was no baby and I could not reply to the daily lunch text. I didn’t want to carry the heaviness of losing his first child.

He’s been amazing. We don’t know where this new guy came from, but we like him much better. On Sunday I hiked 5.5 miles to keep from crying all day. I don’t recommend doing this. You’ll always find me by the water during stressful times. My friend dreamed of my daughter. It seems my great grandmother is trying to help her enter this realm. I will not worry any more. Today the emperor and empress joined the page of cups, it’s driving the spread.

The Year I Needed Christmas

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Inspiration, Spirituality

As January 2021 began I felt hopeful and relieved. I think most of us did. 2020 was a year we won’t forget.

My year started with a lumpectomy last January. I had received the cancer diagnosis in late November. I drove in to my appointment blasting Beyonce. I was ushered into a room by the doctor and knew I wouldn’t be leaving the same way I came in. Cancer had not been in my life plan and I went into complete shock. I didn’t have the option of falling apart. I had to keep it together so everyone around me would do the same. So many friends were getting the same diagnosis, but cancer didn’t win we did and we chose to live life intentionally.

Then relationship problems came. Followed by more relationship problems. I don’t even know how we made it. My tarot readers were serving in therapist’s roles lol. I did so much karmic work with my shaman last year I didn’t think the karmic energy could be resolved. I was surviving the apocalypse of 2020 in a daze. I felt like I was in the worst sci-fi movie and the writer had forgotten to write the ending.

This year I needed Christmas. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had put up a Christmas tree, but I made my boyfriend pull it out the closet and put it up. I suppose everyone needed Christmas because stores had no decorations. Luckily it was prelit and I had a few bows lol. My mother just shook her head, but looking at the lights made me feel better. I didn’t whittle away at Christmas last year. I welcomed it like an old friend with open arms. I bought gifts, planned dinner and enjoyed the tree.

My 2020 Christmas tree

January 2021 is starting a little crazy. I’ve laughed at a few of the memes. Last year we were forced into reflection time. I spent so much time thinking about what I took for granted, what my dreams were and how I would hit the ground running this year in the direction of my dreams. It’s the third week of January and I’m practicing reiki and love my clients, I’m creating reiki products and I was accepted into a writing workshop by one of my favorite authors. I’ve woke up beside my soul mate every day for six months and I love him and my family more even though we still have challenges to overcome. I will continue to do the work to evolve my soul and I’m thankful to have such a caring shaman. I hope you had the time to clearly see what matters most to you. If you were slacking before what are you waiting on? Go get it!

Beacons of Light

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Inspiration, Spirituality, Uncategorized

For over a year I’ve looked at the wordpress app and my journal. There has been no time to designate to either. There has only been time for work and the occasional mental note of things I’d like to do if I had time.

One such mental note was visiting lighthouses. I took a birthday trip to OBX and was delighted about visiting my first lighthouse. I have yet to identify the reason for my fascination with them. Maybe because they are guides for unchartered voyages.

Midway through 2017 I think I was searching for light. I only had to look in the mirror. Light workers illuminate everything. So much has happened in these almost two years. I am in my fourth year of running a nonprofit. The spirit guide said he was sending a new guy and to be careful with his heart. He happens to be Mexican y yo soy muy feliz. Cuidado with people whom you try to hold onto that are blocking the path to blessings that will have you standing in one spot wondering . I took a novel writing class as an investment in myself. My book is not finished, but it was such a great experience. I became an advanced reiki practitioner in November of last year. I am on my way to becoming what I sense I was sent here to be.

Con El Mexicano

I can’t bring my journey forward two years in one blog post. I’m not quite sure where I’m going, but feel changes are coming soon. Angel numbers indicate good changes so I am not anxious. I am learning to appreciate the art of being present. This happens to be very important since the Vitamin Shoppe stopped selling Zenify lol.

As I continue on my journey, I will continually look for the light to guide me. I know this will bring wonderful people and experiences into my life. I will continue my exploration of shamanism and try to be a guide to those who have lost their way in darkness.

Release in the Vineyard 

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Faith, Inspiration, mental health, mindfulness, Spirituality, Yoga

It has been 12 months of heaviness like standing beneath an avalanche that suddenly falls from the highest peak. Preceded by six years of turmoil. Heaviness came to rest here.

I’ve been crying Abba have mercy on me. Everything is too much. As I was praying Jesus appeared in a vision with an overflowing basket of fruit. All kinds of fruit and he gave it to me. The second basket he gave to me was overflowing with red grapes and a vineyard appeared. I ran free in a white dress. I felt freedom. Freedom from burdens. Freedom from sadness. Freedom from anxiety. Freedom from despair. And I ran not once looking back.

Hand mudra for hope.

Recently I took a yin class that focused on hope. Tonight a woman named Hope prayed for me. The significance being most days I’m questioning am I going to make it because of the hopelessness I feel. I’ve learned to pay attention to small details.

I understood that the vineyard meant to read John 15. I understood that John 15 meant to rest in Jesus. There is very little rest or peace these days. Hope prayed that peace would stay with me. 

Today I felt disconnected and isolated. I felt heavy. Then I thought why am I carrying these burdens given to me by other people. Situations that my own actions didn’t cause I’ve been carrying on my slumped shoulders. I’m exhausted. 

“Storms make trees take deeper roots.” ~ Dolly Parton

Branches are connected to the vine. They must remain connected to live and produce fruit. Occasionally they are pruned. My decisions could use some pruning. No longer will I allow people to project negative statements over me. I won’t unfairly carry other’s problems.  I won’t exhaust myself finding solutions to everything and I will no longer suffer from anxiety due to people’s choices.

John 15:11 – I have told you these things so that you can have the same joy I have and so that your joy will be the fullest possible joy.

My word today was overboard.  Anything or anyone that does not add to my life got thrown off my virtual boat. I. Let. Go.

Overcoming Fear

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Faith, Hope, Inspiration, Marriage, mental health, Relationships, Separation

I became acquainted with fear as a child observing my mother and other family members.  I observed that because they were afraid of doing most anything our family tended to have the same outcomes.  This observation greatly shaped the adult I would become.

I would acquire an extreme fear of committment.  If I could redo about two decades of relationships I would.  Bad choices left layers of pain.  As a youth, I developed the idea that marriage was evil.  I saw nothing good in it.  Marriage created siblings that meant extra responsibilities.  More work for my mother.  Arguments over adult issues and the list goes on and on.  I decided by the time I became a teen that I would never get married.  I would at most have a live in boyfriend with a backup just in case.

I carried all of these fears into my marriage and oh the devastation it caused.  I didn’t even notice what was happening.  I remember one day being in the kitchen and I just began to cry. “God why did you place these three people under my care?  I’m such a failure.  I never wanted a family and you totally rearranged my life!  Look at the mess I’ve created.”  I received the most gentle reply as I walked to the table and opened the bible.  I had never seen the scripture before, but I had to go sit down after reading Psalm 68:6.

My tears of frustration turned into tears of gratitude.  He had connected two of the most lonely people, my husband and myself, across an ocean.  My husband had said prayer for a family far away from Nigeria.  On my end I had a five-year old telling me his house was supposed to have a daddy that lived there with us.  My youngest son is a handful!  My husband found my match.com profile.  I can only laugh at how all of this happened.  You live long enough to be able to recognize divine intervention when it happens because you go around in a daze asking if what occurred really happened the way it did.

As I sat on the couch, I realized that God had blessed me with children and a husband so that I would know what unconditional love felt like and all I did was complain about it.  Months ago in a soaking worship service I had a vision of myself as a child.  I was in a pit in a white dress turning in circles.  I was searching for someone to love me, but no one ever came.  Although I was in this pit, there was the brightest light all around me and the most beautiful lawn.  God whispered to me, “You will never have to search for love like that again.”  Have you ever been totally wrecked with gratitude?  I needed so many kleenex that evening.  It was an epic day for healing a very deep hurt that I had carried for decades.  I hurt my family because I was broken and hurting.  I have sense learned you should enter into marriage a whole person.  My husband and I had no pre-marital counseling, but lots of issues that should have been discussed.

wpid-20140608_090105.jpg

Continue reading “Overcoming Fear” →

Learning to Walk on Water

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Marriage, Relationships, Uncategorized

2012 was an epic year for stress both personally and professionally. When you have no peace you become this monster of sorts. It got to the point where I didn’t recognize or like myself. I was so angry and frustrated all the time. I would come home and my family would be locked behind bedroom doors. My husband met me at the door one day and said I was like a piece of wood that had been soaked in gasoline and he never knew what would set me off. The weight and force of those words landed a powerful punch. I carried it for days. I am not one of the thousands of minorities that would tell you to go to hell for suggesting therapy so I made an appointment.

Fast forward to 2014. My husband has nailed me to particular places or arguments and is still holding me hostage. I used my imagination to erect walls and free myself from my clothing and walked away naked. I can’t continually live in those times and spaces. We were in a relationship that was a death sentence with weapons pointed at each other. Type A’s always keep a finger on the trigger, especially if you have deep wounds from others like me. You need to understand that what you’re demanding of the other person in a relationship you must also give. Your perception of how great a spouse you are doesn’t matter if that is not the other person’s reality.

I recently heard a NPR story on the havoc malaria was causing in Nigeria. Why? The reporter began to go into the daily lives of women in that country. She was the farmer, sold at the market, took care of the family, etc. As the reporter kept talking I was thinking to myself where the hell was her support? If a child came down with malaria everything came to a screeching halt because she then had to go take care of the child for two weeks. No farming, no selling, no income. My reality was burdens that were breaking my spinal cord, but his perception was a totally different picture.

I looked at that space where rusty nails drenched by tears were holding my clothes hostage and I ran to Jesus. He said to come learn to walk on water. I love oceans and mountains. They are peaceful places so I accepted his invitation.

I confessed like I was raised a devout catholic hurt after hurt. I can’t trust anyone. No one takes care of me but me. I give more than I ever receive. This shattered my self-esteem and I’m just a broken mess trying to exist in a broken family. So on and so on.

Hillsong United released a song called Oceans recently that I absolutely love. It took me back to basics. Is it more important to remain a Type A dictator and destroy everyone to climb some corporate ladder? Corporate ladders do not come with guarantees no matter how hard you work. All your hard work makes the top layer of the organization appear more successful or competent while you may be invisible. You increase your productivity beyond a safe zone because Type A’s thrive on stress and chaos. They can quickly come up with plans and solutions to fix everything. Not only that, I discovered my dreams have changed. I had to consider why I was giving all my energy to my job. My life was not balanced and I no longer need an executive seat. I examined a Type B personality and I said to myself it’s time for a transition. As dysfunctional as the setting was, I enjoyed being part of my family.

I’ve traveled a great distance on the sea. I’ve shed almost 50 pounds because water travel on foot requires focus on the one who can do miracles. I never thought much about myself being a miracle, but I feel like God sounded some ultrasonic call to me with an offer I couldn’t refuse. A chance to be made whole. The damaged pieces of me are being sunk to the bottom of the sea with each step. I am gaining divine trust and peace in my transition. The end of this trek will be called joy, something I’ve never known. I love being able to follow others on social media who have traveled to my destination for different reasons. Their photos and stories provide daily inspiration.

Life is far from perfect and I do get tired of fighting to now save instead of destroy my family all alone. That’s when I lay on the back of an eagle and soar high above the storm clouds that have blocked the warmth of the sun for far too long.