This month, I was very intententional about experiencing Black arts and culture for Black History Month. With only a few days left of February, I must admit to being wiped out from acting like an extrovert all month 🤣. Today, I quietly sat in my divination space, trying to improve my bullet journaling skills. A much need introvert recharge!
My February arts experiences included:
– Plunky and Oneness concert
– The Colored Museum play
– African American Read In
– Current documentary screening and talk
– Afrikana Film Festival screening of Origins
– Kadencia Afro Puertican concert
My monthly tarot energy was the judgment card. Judgment can represent an epiphany, rebirth and new opportunities. I had this realization that life was just passing me by. My days consist of a lot of work and not much else. I realized it was time to make some major life changes. This will require me to close some doors on people and situations that no longer serve my highest good. I have been in limbo for too long and it’s time to move forward. I don’t exactly know where this road is going, but I have to trust things will work out for the best.
I managed to take a few days off for my birthday. I normally plan a solo trip that includes a flight to somewhere, but this year I spent my birthday with my sisters and mom. It was a great birthday! We went to an open mic night and Cuban restaurant that had great food and dancing. I’m still hoping to do a trip to Cartagena this year. I love solo trips!
With my mom and sisterWith momSisters 😁
I also had been in dating app hell and had given myself an exit deadline. I’m happy to say I’m free! I’m looking for something the apps don’t have and I’m ok with that. Not to say a wonderful surprise didn’t show up. Well more like a manifestation, but I’m observing and going with the flow. I don’t find myself worrying about the future. I’m truly happy with the present moment which is a great accomplishment for someone with control issues that likes detailed long-term plans lol. My astrologer said I’m welcoming joy back into my life.
I know March will require me to make major changes. I’ve been working to gather that insane level of faith that results in miracles. I’ve had enough miracles to know to trust my intuition. Life is never boring lol!
Are you experiencing an epiphany or a fresh start? I’d love to hear about it! I hope you are also running after lovely days. It could be something small as lunch with a friend or as big as traveling to somewhere you’ve never been. Fill a journal with these memories and give it to yourself as a gift.
Last summer I took an eight week class with my shaman to map my highest destiny line. I learned new shamanic prayers, ceremonies and journey meditations. I laid out my stones on my makeshift mesa cloth and journeyed to the upper world to see the highest destiny for this lifetime. I had already decided to go for the gusto.
I also took a screenwriting class. Memoir was full and there was that whole COVID isolation thing. I had to keep some form of human contact. I like everyone else had zoom fatigue but really enjoyed learning a new style of writing. I finished my first screenplay. The class loved it. We had some great writers in that class and I loved everyone’s scripts.
How is this connected? Writing is a huge part of my identity. If you ask me what I am that’s likely my first answer. I knew that my destiny map contained at least one writing project. I’ve had a novel on my vision board for three years. I’m still 55 pages into that project two years later. Finding time to write is really hard right now. I never imagined writing and producing a short film, but I did!
The Return To Me Poster Image
My film trailer had everyone so excited! My teacher had said find five thousand and she could help produce my movie. I set out to find grant money as an individual artist and I’m pretty certain it fell from the sky lol. I’ve only executed the law of attraction without error on a few occasions and this was one. Side note more than five thousand is needed for film making. Do you have dreams and goals? Don’t worry manifesting magic is all around you! My film premiered this September in the Afrikana Film Festival. It was recently a final selection in the S.E. Manly Short Film Showcase. Is this my life?! Yes and it’s in transition! I’m currently writing episodes for a TV series pilot we’d like to create.
I’ve also started a reiki and candle business. I tried working for other companies but it just didn’t work out. I stopped trying to force things to fit. If you’re meant to let go just release. Likely something so much better is on its way! I love making these candles and providing energy sessions for clients. I’m completing my shamanic mesa and am so excited to embrace being a healer professionally. My hope is to generate enough revenue to give my nonprofit, STORY, general operating revenue. My products can be purchased on Etsy and reiki sessions can be booked on Schedulicity.
Reiki CandlesMy reiki studio.
We all have free will. As we prepare to begin a new year I’d like to suggest you reflect on your true desires. Is your life in alignment with your highest dreams for yourself? Dream big, dream often! Set your intentions, raise your vibrations and practice gratitude. Whether you choose destiny line one or five I hope it brings you immense joy!
As January 2021 began I felt hopeful and relieved. I think most of us did. 2020 was a year we won’t forget.
My year started with a lumpectomy last January. I had received the cancer diagnosis in late November. I drove in to my appointment blasting Beyonce. I was ushered into a room by the doctor and knew I wouldn’t be leaving the same way I came in. Cancer had not been in my life plan and I went into complete shock. I didn’t have the option of falling apart. I had to keep it together so everyone around me would do the same. So many friends were getting the same diagnosis, but cancer didn’t win we did and we chose to live life intentionally.
Then relationship problems came. Followed by more relationship problems. I don’t even know how we made it. My tarot readers were serving in therapist’s roles lol. I did so much karmic work with my shaman last year I didn’t think the karmic energy could be resolved. I was surviving the apocalypse of 2020 in a daze. I felt like I was in the worst sci-fi movie and the writer had forgotten to write the ending.
This year I needed Christmas. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had put up a Christmas tree, but I made my boyfriend pull it out the closet and put it up. I suppose everyone needed Christmas because stores had no decorations. Luckily it was prelit and I had a few bows lol. My mother just shook her head, but looking at the lights made me feel better. I didn’t whittle away at Christmas last year. I welcomed it like an old friend with open arms. I bought gifts, planned dinner and enjoyed the tree.
My 2020 Christmas tree
January 2021 is starting a little crazy. I’ve laughed at a few of the memes. Last year we were forced into reflection time. I spent so much time thinking about what I took for granted, what my dreams were and how I would hit the ground running this year in the direction of my dreams. It’s the third week of January and I’m practicing reiki and love my clients, I’m creating reiki products and I was accepted into a writing workshop by one of my favorite authors. I’ve woke up beside my soul mate every day for six months and I love him and my family more even though we still have challenges to overcome. I will continue to do the work to evolve my soul and I’m thankful to have such a caring shaman. I hope you had the time to clearly see what matters most to you. If you were slacking before what are you waiting on? Go get it!
I released 10 red balloons into the night sky standing on the back patio the Mexican built for me. It only took him four hours once I conceded he really didn’t need my help lol. It was the last step in releasing an energetic pattern that kept resurfacing in my relationships. I was being guided by intuition and a vision I’d had about my relationship while in a crystal reiki session and balloons had also been in a dream.
An unraveling started on February 10th, days before my birthday. I had made a shamanic healing appointment, not knowing sadness would accompany me to Charlottesville again. I entered Rachel’s apartment and took my normal seat on her couch and welcomed the pets. She asked what we were working on that day and I began the story of the problem of loving men born on January 28th. I had no idea how I had manifested this birthday back to back, but I had issues with it.
“Rachel I need you and Jesus to fix this issue. This is the absolute last time I’m dealing with cheating. Absolute last!” She then asked me how I had approached relationships when I was younger and I scoffed. “I never wanted relationships or children as a result of childhood observations,” I said. Relationships equaled heartbreak over and over again. I of course loved the men of that time, but I wasn’t faithful to any of them. I could only shake my head at my former self.
Now my thoughts are very different. The soul mate showed up in 2017 and brought peace and happy with him. Happy like I’ve never experienced before. So Rachel and I did the spiritual work and broke a soul contract from an Egyptian past life. I had had many lifetimes of being an unfaithful partner in this contract. I saw black smoke followed by Egyptian writing leaving my hands and feet as she journeyed into the past life.
Post session. I cried so much I thought I would faint!
From there I went into a silent weekend retreat a couple of weeks later. I wanted an apology from him I wasn’t getting. I wanted answers that weren’t coming. So I sat at the river in the cold and thought. I sat on a wooden church pew and wrote poetry trying to get past everything. He was living in his ego space and I was desperately trying not to match that energy and stay in my heart space.
Reflection views from the retreat.
Things started getting better with us in March, but I’m highly intuitive with psychic gifts. I knew something wasn’t right. I had a tarot reading on April 6th and the tower was driving the spread. My reader did not want to give me more bad relationship news so she kept bringing my attention to the card opposite the tower. I had no idea the tower meant shit was about to get real and self destruct again a few hours later. Why was this happening? I took care of this in February. I did a second tarot reading and scheduled another shamanic session. Everyone was on the same frequency, I only had to survive this one more time to get to the sunshine and rainbows on the other side. I focused on the 1010 energy and broke ties with that queen of swords that was causing me to have an extremely low vibration.
Rachel and I ended my karmic pattern of oppressive relationships with men. This cycle was ending for good and a new one was beginning. She said I had came into this life to experience how I had treated women in a past life. I remembered what I had learned in October and put the energy for the new life into the earth mandala.
I did not lose sight of my highest destiny line no matter what circumstances showed up in my reality. My family and friends were over it, especially my sister. My sister also dreams the future, so she was torn between wanting her Mexican niece she had dreamed and telling me to stalk taco food trucks to find my boyfriend’s replacement. My highest destiny was written in my journal. This Mexican was top pick for this lifetime.
My grandmother came to me and said let him find his way back to you. I waited 30 days and thought this isn’t working. We’re dealing with massive ego issues. I again went into the humility of the heart space. I was met with anger of not providing the family he wants with me. I met that with compassion. I explained the natural and spiritual reasons of why his daughter was taking so long to get here. He likely doesn’t know what to believe dating me lol. I think most Mexicans are catholic. He doesn’t want to believe in shamans. I stand in front of him and say, “Soy chaman.” He just looks at me like what the hell lol. I had my last session with Rachel last week and the orcas and dolphins were our guides. We sat on the ocean with them holding our children while Rachel again journeyed into the past life to fix energy causing current problems. She said stop trying to make the baby with desperate energy and find the way back to the joy and love we had before.
I went to him on Mother’s Day and told him I was tired of fighting. He was tired too. We made up and said we’d work on us. A few days before I saw a license plate that said last try. We were able to fall back into the peace of being soul mates for a few hours. He’s still in the ego space and angry with me. I will keep meeting this anger with compassion. I know his disappointment makes him want to hurt my heart so I will feel what his does. I sincerely hope I can say we made a baby in a couple of weeks so this will be done with!
As I end thoughts on my current life experience I want to provide encouragement to myself and whoever may read this. Life is not perfect with soul mates, but if it’s worth fighting for choose your battle wisely. Also remember to fight for yourself. We can lose our identities loving someone. Rachel demanded I return to my sovereignty and stop giving my power away. Sometimes space is a good thing even when it feels like death. Lastly what is meant to be will be. I happen to be with a soul mate I’ve been with for lifetimes. So let’s all stay present, breathe and believe for miracles.
It’s a Tuesday evening and I’m completing my whirlwind trip to San Antonio to discuss the importance of early childhood education with other professionals from across the country. Everyone was very energized by the topic. This is what happens when your work is your passion. You have insane amounts of energy. I was intrigued and somewhat excited, but not quite energized. I find myself questioning why and how did I end up in these work spaces? I’m questioning whether or not I want to pick up another community problem. I’ve seen three astrologers recently, and for the most part the readings were the same. I’m an insanely creative individual with a great human service work to complete. It seems this is the soul contract I agreed to. However, the neglect of self that I am forced to accept in my current work is taking a toll. I’m very often tired, I find myself fleeing to rivers for hydromancy and I can’t remember the last time I slept without thoughts of trying to solve enormous community issues waking me up. The cards said the best life is coming, so as the saints instruct you to do, I’m yet holding on.But do I want to hold on?About a month ago I stayed at Galleywinter Farm for the weekend at my first shamanic retreat. Rachael Mannwas the facilitator and I’ve been working with her for a few years. I was instantly connected to her after my first soul reading. I just knew I would be safe on my new spiritual journey with her. The purpose of the retreat was to find your soul’s highest destiny line among the many available to you. We did shamanic journeying, we danced the medicine wheel, sang Cherokee songs, made earth mandalas and I attended my first fire ceremony. I also saw my highest destiny line. It was amazing!
This is where I am energized. This is the work I don’t want to leave, but there are these annoying things called bills and obligations.Last year my organization began work around trauma. This translates to me as healing work. Shamans heal. I have been very excited to find myself in mindfulness training with teachers. I have discovered I have a talent for combining my reiki training and mindfulness practice with my mother’s gift for interior design to make calm spaces. I am currently creating these spaces for an elementary and high school and the community center where we work with low-income youth. Who knew I’d love this so much?! Definitely not me. I also began redesigning my organization’s website as our fifth year approaches. I have spent several weekends at my kitchen table heavily involved in web content and design. As I end this year, I want to ensure that next year I am my authentic self. I have really been thinking a lot about what this will look like. I know I will no longer be able to serve an entire community alone. Stress is manifesting itself in the form of sickness and must be addressed. Executive Directors have a whole team of persons in the form of a board of directors that are supposed to help grow the mission and funds of the organization. This has yet to happen for me and I feel like I’ve had the longest trek through the hottest desert. Any desire I had to save anyone or anything is about completely gone. Yet I am still the insanely creative with a need to serve.
However, direct service for empaths is very difficult.
As I look forward to 2020, I’m identifying steps I need to take to live a more authentic life. This demands that I pay attention to my natural writing talents and a few other things.
Practice saying no.
Take care of my health. I can’t help anyone if I’m not well.
Write and write often. This includes working on my novel, journaling, blogging, poetry and more.
Return all social work duties to their rightful owners by the end of the year.
Take a real vacation.
Make some new friends. The struggle is real in this area lol.
Begin shamanic training.
Return to my yoga practice.
Technically this list could go on forever as I need an intervention, but I’ll stop here. My hope for you if you’re reading this is that you’ve found your way to living an authentic, fulfilling life. If not it’s not too late. What can you do to begin to create the life you want? After all, we create our reality. Is it switching careers? Moving to a new place? There are so many choices available to become your authentic self. As always the light in me sees and honors the light in you. Namaste.
For over a year I’ve looked at the wordpress app and my journal. There has been no time to designate to either. There has only been time for work and the occasional mental note of things I’d like to do if I had time.
One such mental note was visiting lighthouses. I took a birthday trip to OBX and was delighted about visiting my first lighthouse. I have yet to identify the reason for my fascination with them. Maybe because they are guides for unchartered voyages.
Midway through 2017 I think I was searching for light. I only had to look in the mirror. Light workers illuminate everything. So much has happened in these almost two years. I am in my fourth year of running a nonprofit. The spirit guide said he was sending a new guy and to be careful with his heart. He happens to be Mexican y yo soy muy feliz. Cuidado with people whom you try to hold onto that are blocking the path to blessings that will have you standing in one spot wondering . I took a novel writing class as an investment in myself. My book is not finished, but it was such a great experience. I became an advanced reiki practitioner in November of last year. I am on my way to becoming what I sense I was sent here to be.
Con El Mexicano
I can’t bring my journey forward two years in one blog post. I’m not quite sure where I’m going, but feel changes are coming soon. Angel numbers indicate good changes so I am not anxious. I am learning to appreciate the art of being present. This happens to be very important since the Vitamin Shoppe stopped selling Zenify lol.
As I continue on my journey, I will continually look for the light to guide me. I know this will bring wonderful people and experiences into my life. I will continue my exploration of shamanism and try to be a guide to those who have lost their way in darkness.
When you find yourself existing, flip the switch and make an intentional choice to live! Each person has an alloted life span. Try new things. Discover new talents and pleasures. Life can’t be lived watching from the sidelines!
The Unconventional Life 
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