Tag: self-love

A Year of Lovely Days

by The Unconventional Life, posted in Faith, Hope, Inspiration, mental health, mindfulness, Relationships, Spirituality, Uncategorized

It’s been slightly over a year since my last blog. 2023 was beyond hard and I always try to find something inspirational to include in my writing here. Although I would’ve gladly chosen death last year over heartbreak here I am. Blame it on my dog.

Bruno makes life better!

Last year I wondered if it were harder to grieve someone who died versus someone who was alive. I still don’t know the answer. I tried to focus on what I was supposed to learn. I worked very closely with my shaman and other energy healers. Towards the end of the year I started EMDR therapy. I decided it was time for life to have a new narrative as far as my relationships.

We had to start with my critical need for safety, and I realized I had been in fight or flight since I was around seven. That was a serious revelation to process. I learned to cross my arms and tap my shoulders to bring my nervous system out of panic mode. Through shamanic healings, I learned my narrative needed to change from trying to save others from themselves so they would love me correctly. I had to watch people I loved more than anything self-destruct and do nothing. My need to control everything was tested way beyond my comfort zone. Magnesium and ashwaganda were my lifeline. I had to learn I can only control myself.

You attract what you are. You repel what you are not. Everything is energy.

I’m infatuated with Sufi mystics, Rumi is my favorite. I was looking for something to bring in a better year and of course Rumi had the most amazing quote.

2024 Theme

2023 was full of tears and anxiety, but this year I will intentionally walk towards lovely days. I made a bullet journal to document these special moments. January has been filled with lovely days. Dates with my friends, writing submissions for publication, completing my first artist fellowship and returning to a regular yoga practice just to name a few. Lovely days can have small blessings or huge miracles. You are the author of your story. You are the alchemist that can manifest your vision.

As they say, sometimes life does the most and you just have to persevere. Doors close, windows open. Maybe time heals all. Maybe it doesn’t. In shamanism, there are multiple destiny lines and soul contracts. I hope you know you’re worth the highest destiny line. Even if it comes with plot twists and turns that put you in a level of darkness you’ve never experienced. I hope you chase it with blind faith! I pray that someone is brave enough to love you just as much as you love them for a complete lifetime.

Thanks for following my blog and I’m sorry for the long absence! I hope you will share in my year of intentional lovely days! May you be well. May you be whole. May you be loved.

My Grown Up Sorrows

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, depression, Inspiration, Relationships, Spirituality

 

See what this sorrow—the sorrow God wanted you to have—has done to you: It has made you very serious. It made you want to restore yourselves. – 2 Corinthians 7:11

I can’t remember the last time I tried to form sentences to compose a blog. My job has been like an all consuming inferno. It feels like I’m battling a wildfire with a single hose sometimes. In addition families have assigned roles and responsibilities.

For about the last month or so it has been tense and stressful. I felt like
I had no place to rest other than the yoga studio. It was very challenging to feel this way and have no one notice that I was struggling so much. I literally had a brief meltdown at a stop light. It’s not cool to do this because other drivers are likely to notice. I was simply overwhelmed with the thought of having to give everyone in my life too much of myself and when I compared what I was getting in return it just shattered something in me.

Givers are often taken advantage of. Givers neglect themselves because someone will always need something. I can easily find myself existing on fumes because not only am I a giver, but I am an introvert. Introverts need time to themselves to replenish what they give out. Not taking this time leads to very serious problems. I know better, but there was no time for me or my needs. There was no time for prayer or worship. No time for exercise or yoga. Do you know exercise can have drastic positive effects for depression? I do. That was my 2013 – 2014 truth. My biggest sorrow though is extreme business causes me to neglect my relationship with God.

It’s not that he forgets about me. I’m the one who generally neglects the relationship. Then I freak out if I can’t hear his voice. I don’t know about me sometimes.

Marriage got a little hard, but we navigated out of choppy waters. I’m beginning to wonder if we just need occasional drama. Possible side effect of dysfunction as a normality.

I had to do something cause sleeping on couch rotations get old quick. I had to restore my own vessel rather than remaining empty. I had to go crawling back to God with one more I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to you in weeks please help me speeches. It’s likely not my last so don’t judge me. As I began to sing in worship I felt God hold my hands. It had been awhile and I just began to weep because he never forgets about me. I took a few minutes to pray. I did yoga and a workout. I found a way to balance my scales.

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On my all about me day

This is a serious battle for me, but I must win. My well being depends on this victory. I can’t give to others if I myself am empty.

Today is my birthday and I spent most of it in quiet reflection.

I stumbled across a really cool quote that resonated with me. The people in my life are not likely to change, but I can change myself. I can find greatness in my every day life. Isn’t that what makes it unconventional? Be good to yourselves always. There is only one you.

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Don’t Wonder

by The Unconventional Life, posted in christianity, depression, Faith, Inspiration, Marriage, mental health, Relationships, Separation

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Don’t wonder in the midst of trials. Pray. Don’t wonder about life. Explore. Write your own story mistakes and all. Just don’t sit on the sidelines watching life pass you by like automatic scenes through a viewfinder.

Take pauses to enjoy gifts, friends and occassions. Take time to feel pain, love, joy or whatever it is you are brave enough to feel. Going to the edge and letting your toes dangle requires courage. Do not shut off your emotions and feel nothing. That’s simply emptiness.

Fill your vessel with life and let it overflow. Don’t wonder if you’re doing it right. Just try. Take baby steps if you must. Be repetative if necessary. It is your practice. It is your journey.

Don’t wonder about where it is you’re going. Let the journey lead you to your destiny. Be surprised along the way. Make memories. Cherish those worth cherishing and release those who are not. Be grateful for those you release because they still served a purpose on your journey.

Don’t wonder. Have faith. Believe with your heart in your divine purpose. Connect with your soul. Be aware and not scattered. Be strong and brave. Do not run or hide from stumbling blocks along your path. Warriors fight for truth. Find your truth. Discover the beauty in being yourself in spite of mental, physical or emotional challenges. Be free to embrace all of yourself. Don’t wonder. Just be.

Today I took a three hour workshop combining yoga and writing. This was something I wrote to encourage myself. I drove to the studio listening to Ed Sheeran crying. What to do when you have a child breaking your heart with bad life choices? For now I can only breathe, bend, pray and write.